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Judd Lands Lauder Contract | Main | Christmas Present


June 24, 2004

Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards were released sometime this week. I received a forward with the winning stories (thanks, Jaime). I'll share the winning story with you:

Based on a bet by the other members of his golfing threesome, Everett Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine.

Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the post of the ball washer was more than strong enough to support his body weight, and his sack was the weakest link.

Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.

To add insult to injury, Sanchez then broke a new $300.00 graphite shaft driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was attempting to use as a cane. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

This last one wouldn't normally count, because the golfer didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, the committee allowed it.


Posted by Lawren at June 24, 2004 07:16 AM

You Said

Ouch! What a moron.

Says: rita at June 24, 2004 07:48 AM

Too bad more idiots can't self-neuter themselves.

Says: GrumpyBunny at June 24, 2004 08:13 AM

http://www.snopes.com/humor/follies/ballwash.htm

Says: M@ at June 24, 2004 08:25 AM

Debunked but sounded bad/good depending on how you look at it though.

Says: Norman at June 24, 2004 03:56 PM

You know, I laughed like hell when Kelly posted about this a couple of months ago,and I laughed like hell when I read it again. Truly astounding.

Says: chuck at June 24, 2004 07:52 PM

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