Mass Dysfunction

How much dysfunction can you fit into one photograph? I mean, seriously:

BritNews

And in the world of Britney...

--Britney Spears' hip-hop hubby, Kevin Federline, is getting a metrosexual makeover courtesy of Details magazine. The editor in chief, Dan Peres, hired fashion photographer Steven Klein to shoot a cover photo of Federline to accompany Peres' interview of the former back up dancer.

It's rumored that Spears, with her tiny pup Bibit in tow, was on hand to direct Federline in the shoot, in which he swapped his wifebeater shirt and baggy jeans for more dapper duds. Spears even convinced Klein, who has shot the A-list likes of Brad Pitt and Madonna, to snap Federline for the April issue of L'Uomo Vogue.

--A la Jennifer (J.Lo) Lopez and Madonna (Esther), Britney Spears has adopted the moniker "Mona Lisa" in the credits of her video, "Do Somethin'," which she co-directed.

"I kinda think she's like my alter ego," Mrs. Federline tells TRL of Leonardo Da Vinci's enigmatic muse. "Whenever I feel like being mean or bustin' people to get stuff right, it's kinda easier to be called 'Mona Lisa' instead of Britney."

--I bet DaVinci is turning over in his grave.

Hollywood Break-up

Bloom and Bosworth split:

Orlando Bloom has ended his three-year romance with actress Kate Bosworth, because they were spending too much time apart, pals claim.

The sexy 28-year-old has been dating the Beyond The Sea beauty since they met on the set of a Gap ad in 2002. But Bloom allegedly separated from Bosworth after their recent holiday to Brazil, because their hectic filming schedules prevented them from having a stable relationship, reports British newspaper The Mail On Sunday.

A close friend explains, "Orlando has said that's it all over between him and Kate and that's he's back in the dating game. It seems they were never together for longer than a week before one of them had to jet off to the other side of the world for film commitments. Kate's devastated by the split but the truth is Orlando has always been a bit of a ladies' man and thinks he's too young to settle down."

Angelina's Gift to Brad

Angelina Jolie has reportedly given Brad Pitt a vial of gray powder to ward off accidents.

A friend of Pitt's discovered the vial when he opened the glove compartment in the actor's car, reports the New York Daily News. Pitt revealed Jolie told him the vial contained the remains of a bat.

--Angelina and her vials of crap. She's a nutjob.

New MTV2

This year, the only thing MTV is exposing during the Super Bowl halftime is a revamped network.

After producing the infamous Janet Jackson halftime show last year, MTV will launch a new look to its sister station, MTV2, during the Feb. 6 game break. MTV and MTV2 will both air a preview special of MTV2, featuring a combination of music, shows and random content aimed at young males.

"Our audience is looking for an alternative to the Super Bowl halftime show and we felt that the new MTV2 fit the bill perfectly," said Van Toffler, president of the MTV Networks Group. The new MTV2 is composed of music videos, new shows, graphics and random clips "that have been scoured from the Internet, old B-movies and the public service dustbin."

Speedy Sperm

A different kind of "amazing race:"

Germans can tune in to a TV reality show this week that breaks new ground in trashiness ... Sperm Race. Twelve men will compete against each other to see which one of them has the 'fastest' sperm.

The contestants, who include two German celebrities and a health freak, begin by donating sperm in a clinic, say the programme's producers, Endemol. The sperm will then be frozen and sent to the company's studio in Cologne, where the sperm will 'race' towards an egg - lured by a chemical that encourages them across the finishing line. Three doctors, including a gynaecologist, will be on hand to make sure the sperm behave correctly, while cameras will record it all.

As well as laying claim to the title of Germany's most fertile man, the winner will also be given a suitably German reward, a red Porsche.

--Every day I think reality shows can't sink any lower, and every day I'm proved wrong.

Catering to the Vertically Challenged

Banana Republic is getting bigger by starting small.

The mass-market clothing empire, known for its updated classics and Project Runway presence, is opening five petite boutiques in 2005. Starting in key markets Boston, Los Angeles, and Seattle, the stores will cater only to women 5’4 and under.

Besides small clothes, the stores will offer “fit guides”— personal shoppers trained to help petites match their body type to the perfect outfit. While the tall crowd may consider Banana’s new venture a style snub, they’ll be in the minority – 56% of American women are considered petite, and could make a major dent in Banana’s expanded market.

--A big, fat WHOO HOO from me! I have to get almost everything altered, and it gets pricey. This is great news. While it doesn't appear they are opening one of these boutiques in Indianapolis, I'm sure they'll have online options for those of us who are midgets in other cities.

Random Blog Find

Got secrets?

Share them on this blog. (Which, I supppose makes them no longer secrets, but hey, whatever).

Queer Eye on Broadway

Jai Rodriguez (of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" fame) shows off his song-and-dance skills - and reveals intimate details of his life - Monday in the autobiographical musical "Xposed."

"It's like the 'US Weekly' version of my life," says Rodriguez of the Hudson Theatre show, a one-night-only benefit for The Actor's Fund. Rodriguez, who wrote the script for the two-hour production, will be backed by a large troupe of singer-dancers - and some showbiz pals.

The cast features Rosie Perez as his mother, and Shosanna Bean of Broadway's "Wicked" as his best friend. "Queer Eye" castmates Carson Kressley and Ted Allen will appear as themselves - with Kressley singing "Popular" from the score of "Wicked."

--I think this sounds like a fun show! (And thinking of Carson singing "Popular" has me giggling--those of you who know the music to the show will know what I'm talking about).

Just Kidding

A man who was presumed dead and sent to the Franklin County morgue has moved his feet and hands at the hospital where he is recovering, his family said.

--Oops.

--Thanks for the tip, Eli. :)

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Snoop's Requests

Pot-loving rapper Snoop Dogg included a demand for high-grade marijuana as part of his rider for a show in Utah's Park City this week.

His other request were a PlayStation, Hennessy cognac, Moet champagne, Corona beer, doughnuts, cashews, peanut butter sandwiches and Starburst and Skittles sweets.

K. Feddy's Lap Dance(s)

Federline continues to ooze class everywhere he goes:

Britney Spears' new husband Kevin Federline and his pals treated themselves to a series of lap dances during a weekend trip to Las Vegas - and he was given his wife's blessing.

On January 21, the dancer and his friends checked into the VIP suite at the American gambling haven's Hard Rock Hotel & Casino before dining at the Pink Taco. The next night, they enjoyed a steak meal before heading on to the popular strip club, Spearmint Rhino.

A source says, "Kevin had several lap dances. But they didn't get out of line." Spears, who was enjoying a spa trip with her girlfriends, arrived in time to see the show by circus troupe Cirque Du Soleil the following night before the couple holed themselves up in Federline's hotel room. Spears' representative Leslie Sloane says of the lap dances, "Big deal. It's a guy thing."

Faking It

Attention ladies!!!

I have the inside scoop on how to fake it.

(On Super Bowl Sunday). ;)

Twins

It appears that Anna and Enrique are SO in love they decided to start dressing alike:

Demanding Diva

Jennifer Lopez didn't disappoint in the diva stakes at last weekend's NRJ Music Awards in France. The singer, 35, made a list of backstage requests that would give a dietitian nightmares.

Jenny from the Block is said to have demanded soft baked chocolate-chip cookies, sour cream and onion crisps, nacho cheese Doritos, M&Ms, Snickers, white bread and American cheese.

J.Lo also asked for white or red roses or white lilies with the leaves removed.

Diesel--The Musical?

Diesel--The Musical?

Diesel's current rebranding initiative will not only put it on the catwalk during New York Fashion Week, it's going to deal with the whole future of fashion.

The Italian label has conceived an entire musical to tout its spring/summer 2005 ad campaign. Shot by British photographer Elaine Constantine who worked alongside US choreographer Michael Rooney, Future catalogues the bright optimism of the Sixties and Seventies which saw a future full of "limitless possibilities and an exciting promise of a universal better living".

If the stills featuring the spring collection, entitled Suburbs of Utopia, aren't enough for you, you can check out the website that will feature backstage footage of the shoot, dance move tips and songs from the musical.

La Vida Forgetful

Remember Ricky? (I guess some people don't)

Latin crooner Ricky Martin was mistaken for the hotel piano player in the Savoy's American Bar.

One witness reported: "He was playing for 30 minutes but being ignored. So he thumped the keys hard and sang Livin' La Vida Loca. People looked up - then went back to ignoring him."

Now THAT'S Talent

All I have to say about this, is "Wow."

Greg Brady To Get Divorce

The wife of former "The Brady Bunch" kid Barry Williams has filed for divorce, according to court papers.

Barry, 50, who played Greg Brady on the series, married Ella Mary Matt Williams in 1999. The couple formally separated earlier this month and have a 2-year-old son, according to the divorce petition filed Tuesday in Superior Court.

Plastic Surgery Mag

Plastic Surgery Magazine to Launch:

Founder Adam Sandow, president of Boca Raton-based Sandow Media insists that his New Beauty magazine is not only about going under the knife. "Cosmetic enhancement" he calls the content.

The magazine will not have an editor-in-chief, just an editorial board. It will publish 13 regional editions, each carrying about 25% local advertising from doctors and beauty companies. It will be published twice in 2005 and quarterly in 2006.

Shadow of Their Former Selves

Ahhh, the beauty of acting. It can allow even the dumbest of actors to seem intelligent.

I mean, where else but the movies would Tara Reid get to pretend to be a brilliant anthropologist or Denise Richards a nuclear physicist?

QuizTime

Toxic by Britney Spears

"It's getting late To give you up I took a sip From my devil cup Slowly It's taking over me " Ah, what's a year without breaking a few hearts? Literally.

--Um, OK.

Arnold Palmer Weds

At 75, Arnold Palmer feels like a kid again after saying, "I do."

Palmer married fiancee Kathleen Gawthrop in an intimate beachside ceremony on Oahu's North Shore. "I feel like a 25-year-old," he said Thursday.

The House of Weed

Eugene police cited a University of Oregon senior Wednesday after finding 365 marijuana plants in a house at 3775 Kincaid St. that the suspect allegedly had rented exclusively to grow the drug.

"The whole house was rented to be a grow. My suspect just tended it weekly and lived somewhere else," Herbert said.

Shar is Clearly Delerious

Who is she trying to kid?

Former "Moesha" star Shar Jackson - whose longtime boyfriend, Kevin Federline, left her and their two children to marry Britney Spears - is sick and tired of living in the pop tart's reflected glare.

"I was my own person before the whole Britney thing," Jackson told a reporter yesterday. "I was an actress and a celebrity before the whole Britney thing. And if this has been the focus, that's pretty upsetting."

--Oh Shar. Shar, Shar, Shar. Who are you kidding? No one knew who the hell you were before Britneygate. This is the best thing that could have happened to your career and you know it.

Usher is a Diva

Wow. It's tough being Usher:

Usher insisted on his driver driving him the entire 200 yards to a London club after a movie screening.

And in a move straight out of the Naomi Campbell school of etiquette, he kept a shocked VIP audience waiting as his entourage ordered the red carpet to be "cleared" for his entrance.

--Gross.

Mariah to Move to Britain

Sorry guys:

Looks like Mariah Carey is moving to Britain. The songstress, 34, whose new album The Emancipation Of Mimi is due out in March, is set to star in a musical version of The Prince And The Showgirl in London's West End next year - and sources tell us she's keen to snap up a permanent home in the capital.

"Mariah's pretty much confirmed as the lead in the musical - she'll be starring as Elsie Marina, the role Marilyn Monroe made famous on film. "As she's likely to be here for several months, she's looking to buy a place in Belgravia. It has to have at least six bedrooms and it's fair to say that money is no object."

--Wait. Didn't she learn not to do acting EVER again after that Glitter fiasco?

Poor Peyton

Well, a Hoosier other than Michael Jackson has made the gossip pages of the New York Post.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning wasn't happy the way the New England Patriots ended his season. At Edith's restaurant in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the other night, Manning "looked totally dejected and had a puss on his face of 'Don't bother me,' " a spy reports.

Peyton drank Coronas and his wife, Ashley, sipped margaritas. "Everyone knew who he was, including the Mexican waitstaff . . . He kept telling the waiters, 'This week I am known as Javier Lopez.' " Manning devoured a platter of shrimp, lobster tail and filet mignon, but "he was avoiding all eye contact with everyone else in the restaurant and stared out into space a lot," said our witness.

"At one point, his wife asked him if he was listening to her and when he did not respond, she grabbed his hand and asked him again and he said despondently, 'No, I was thinking about football.' And when it came time to pay the bill, the wife said she would put it on her credit card since it is the same account, and he said, 'Believe me, I know.' "

Find a New Character

Boy, Kevin Costner is really stretching himself with his role in an upcoming movie.

Brace yourselves, folks: it's about baseball. Oh, but he says it's totally different than Bull Durham, Field of Dreams and For the Love of the Game.

Porn Buddy?

WTF?

Anyone can have a “friendship with benefits” but it takes a special person to be a “porn buddy.” That’s what New York-based performance artist Rachel Shukert discovered last year after a painful breakup with her boyfriend.

Instead of finding a part-time lover for “booty calls,” Shukert chose to spend her time watching porn with a hunky male neighbor who became her “porn buddy.”

She says her porn buddy made her feel sexy without having sex and helped her figure out what she wanted in her next serious relationship.

Pepsi's "Super" Ad

Rap mogul Sean "Puffy" Combs is set to make his Super Bowl debut in an ad for Diet Pepsi.

The star-studded 30-second spot — which also features sexy "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria and former supermodel Cindy Crawford — shows Combs headed to an awards show when his car breaks down.

He spies a nearby Pepsi truck that will serve as a lift. When he pulls up to the red carpet lined with celebrities and paparazzi, his coolness factor immediately makes the borrowed Pepsi truck the new must-have ride.

Fashion Week

Click here for your Valentino Spring 2005 Runway Review. Here are some of my faves:

Gambling Suit

Because you can always blame someone:

A Southern California man has sued MGM Mirage for preying on his gambling addiction and inducing him to borrow and lose millions of dollars at its Las Vegas casinos.

The suit was filed on Monday in a Los Angeles U.S. District Court by Shibley Horaney, a resident of Newport Beach, California, who says that since 1995 he has lost and paid back about $4 million on credit provided to him by the MGM Grand and $1 million on credit from The Mirage casino.

In 2003, he borrowed and lost another $475,000, which the casinos are still seeking to collect.

--Suits like this make me ashamed I'm a lawyer. Actually, it makes me want to beat up the guy that actually took this case for giving the rest of us a bad name.

Grandma's Secret Ingredient

A grandmother is facing jail after cooking up recipes laced with cannabis.

Patricia Tabram, 66, began using the illicit drug in her country kitchen as a "natural remedy" to ease a painful back injury after a car crash. Soon she was throwing dinner parties for elderly friends who chipped in £150 a time for the secret ingredient in her unique "hot pots".

But local police were quickly on the scent of her mind- blowing soups, curries and chocolate cake. She guided five officers to the attic, where they found 31, 10in-high seedlings and self-seal bags used to supply the drug to unnamed friends. "They thought it was in a hut outside," she recalled, "But I told them it wasn't. "They took my diaries, my nail scissors which I used to cut up the buds, and my pamphlets and books which I used for research."

Dirty Debbie

Dirty Debbie:

Debbie Gibson is launching her pop comeback by shedding her togs for Playboy.

Gibson, who is still just 34-years-old, has decided that dropping her knick-knacks is the best way to promote her comeback tune, Naked.

--Man, this is weird. She was like the Sandra Dee of my era. Embarrassing admission coming: I LOVED her. I had the albums, and I even had that God-awful "Electric Youth" perfume. Then, when she made it big on Broadway, that was IT for me--she was my idol. More power to her, I guess. Most of her fan base probably isn't young and impressionable anymore anyway.

No Bum Shots For Keira

Keira Knightley recalls telling a director: "You're not going to see my arse! The top half is fine but the bottom half isn't."

Asked why she is comfortable with showing her breasts but not her behind, Keira says: "It's a girl thing. You know, it's just one of those things..."

--Eh, she's only 19--of course she still has standards. (Although, is that a shirt? What is that exactly?)

Celebs and the Cops

Celebs just can't keep out of trouble:

--Rizzo is a drunk.

--LaChapelle is disorderly at Sundance.

RetailWatch

3 Items...

One, for the philanthropist in you...Jelly Bracelets (Pink gives money to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, Red to goes to Aids Services, and Blue supports Gilda's Club in the fight against ovarian and cervical cancer).

Two, for the person who has everything...a Petrossian Swarovski crystal encrusted caviar tin:

Three, for the die-hard shopper with no time...The Purple Book

Kiss Me

Scientists say more than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a typical French kiss.

The study says couples also exchange 0.7 grams of protein, 0.45 grams of fat and 0.19 grams of other organic substances.

The results come from a study carried out to publicise the advantages of good oral hygene in Sweden.

--Eeewwww.

Those Duke Boys Know How to Party

In what police say was an homage to the movie "Old School," partying Duke University students were found in a fraternity house basement with an inflatable pool, a whole lot of baby oil and women in bikinis.

--I love the quote from the police officer: "Inside were several of America's future, re-enacting a scene from the movie 'Old School,' where females wrestle in a pool of lubricants," police Sgt. D. Gunter said.

Back That Ass Up

5th Circuit Rules in Rappers' Battle Over Phrase "Back That Ass Up"

As often happens in the hip-hop world, two rappers became embroiled in a dispute over who owned the rights to a song that utilized a popular phrase. And it took the musical ear of the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals to settle the matter.

Positive Black Talk Inc., et al. v. Cash Money Records, et al. plunged the conservative appellate court into the world of booming bass lines and popular street slang. Chief Judge Carolyn Dineen King, who wrote the opinion, boiled the case down to a dispute between Louisiana rappers Juvenile and D.J. Jubilee over who owned the rights to a song "that included the poetic four-word phrase 'back that ass up.'"

In a nutshell: Juvenile won. Read the whole article here.

Prada's Future

With Helmut Lang's resignation on Monday, what's next for Prada?

Trilogy

Michael Douglas is reportedly headed to India for the third movie in the popular 'Romancing the Stone' adventure series.

The 61-year-old will produce and star in 'Racing the Monsoon,' a production company in India announced Tuesday.

--I sure hope Danny Devito and Kathleen Turner sign on too. It wouldn't be the same without them.

Ick

Dear J.Lo.--

It's so nice to hear that you're "over" hot designers and gorgeous dresses, and that you want to get down to a simpler way of living. My grandmother was happy to give you her drapes for clothing. No thanks are necessary. How very "The Sound of Music."

Best wishes,
Lawren

More Ink for Brit

Britney Spears is taking her secret Kabbalah lessons seriously - she's had a Hebrew symbol tattooed on the back of her neck.

The pop superstar, who has dabbled with the mystical offshoot of Judaism after being introduced to it by pal Madonna, seems to be getting serious about all things Kabbalah. Her new Hebrew symbol, which represents "the power of healing," is one of two new tattoos Britney has had inked on her - the other is a personal symbol of her love for new husband Kevin Federline. She explains, "I have pink dice on my left wrist. It's something me and my husband we did together. He has blue dice, I have pink dice."

Love, Paris

Just in time for Valentine's Day, we get to take a sneak peak into love letters from Paris Hilton to Backstreet Boy Nick Carter.

The notes are signed, "Paris (your bunny forever.)"

Affordable CRIB

This month, the MTV and J.C. Penney team up to launch CRIBS, the home furnishing line inspired by the hit TV show. While "Cribs" on MTV showcases the latest in celebrity living, the CRIBS line helps the average fan get the look for less.

Created by Designspace director Christiane Lemieux, CRIBS debut line offers lighting, chairs, rugs, draperies and bedding — all styled with a pop/hip-hop sensibility. Prices range from $29.99 (for a zebra print rug) to $189.99 (for a king-sized comforter set). The line will be available in stores later this year.

Job Swap

Looks like certain stars are thinking about taking their careers in new directions:

--Oprah Winfrey's been bitten by the acting bug again and you can thank the desperate housewives. Marc Cherry, creator of the hit ABC show, wrote a "Desperate Housewives" skit for Winfrey's daytime talk show. She got to play several of the roles.

Her last acting stint was in the 1998 movie "Beloved," which wasn't a hit in theaters. In retrospect, Winfrey said that should have been on TV. "I thought I was done with my acting days, but I loved being a part of the 'Desperate Housewives' so much that I'm thinking I might do something else soon," Winfrey told reporters Sunday. "You got any ideas?" she asked. "I'm open."

--And if you can believe it, Snoop might just give up rap. Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher might want to look over his shoulder - Snoop Dogg is after his job. "My dream is to coach in the NFL, probably for the Steelers," the cornrowed rapper and actor revealed to Lowdown. "Put that out there for me."

And he's got experience: He coaches his 10-year-old son, Spanky's, football team and has recently teamed with Juba Entertainment to organize the Snooper Bowl, a charity concert and football game in Jacksonville on Feb. 5 between Spanky's team and an all-star Florida team.

More Reality

Faye Dunaway is the central figure in the newest reality show, "Starlet," which debuts March 8 on the WB network. She puts wannabe actresses through a Hollywood boot camp that tests their mettle.

The winner gets a management deal and a one-shot guest role on "One Tree Hill," the WB's teen drama.

--I might actually watch this one.

For Jenna Jameson's Daughter

I'm sorry, is it prom, or porn?

This prom dress is so skimpy, even the designer's CEO wouldn't let his teenage daughter wear it. But the dangerously revealing gown, prominently advertised in Seventeen Prom, YM Prom and Teen Prom, and on sale in a Midtown shop, is a top seller for the company this season.

Buy Your Way Into the Sunday Styles Section

The New York Times is recruiting new advertising dollars from a happy, and lucrative, source: Couples seeking the distinction of a wedding announcement in the newspaper's coveted style section.

The New York Times Co. on Friday said it would publish paid announcements of engagements, weddings, anniversaries and partnerships on dedicated advertising pages within its weekly Sunday Styles section.

The venture opens up a new avenue for spouses to declare their matrimony to society, with photographs, at $48 per printed line.

--Well, now they're at least admitting that those prime ads can be bought.

The Ladies in Red

Where's Chris DeBurgh when you need him?

On February 4, Olympus Fashion Week hosts The Red Dress Campaign, a benefit for the National Institute for Health’s Heart Truth (NIH). As heart disease claims more and more lives, the NIH is raising awareness with a fashion show that’s all in red. Twenty-two celebrities will model 22 red dresses from 22 of this season’s hottest designers. The dresses are then put up for auction, with all proceeds benefiting the NIH.

While The Red Dress Campaign is still securing stars, several high-profile partnerships have been announced: Betsey Johnson will dress Bai Ling, Oscar de la Renta pairs with Candace Bushnell, and Tommy Hilfiger partners once again with Lauren Bush, who recently starred in his Tommy Girl campaign. Singer Sheryl Crow has just confirmed involvement, but there’s no word yet on who will dress Lance Armstrong’s lady.

Other designers involved in the Red Dress Campaign include Ralph Lauren, Zac Posen, Kimora Lee Simmons, Luca Luca, Marc Jacobs, Calvin Klein and Michael Kors.

Poor Paris

What's a poor girl to do?

The socialite came to Sundance for a little fun but ended up spending the entire time dodging her nemeses, Shannen Doherty and Rick Salomon. Doherty and Salomon, who broke up when Hilton started "dating" him (and subsequently made the infamous porn tape with him), seem to be back on and have been seen wandering around Park City snuggling all over the place.

On Friday night at Marquee, Hilton was seated next to the duo, much to her disgust. "Shannen and Rick weren't budging from their seats," said our spy. "They were there for Tobey Maguire's birthday party with Lukas Haas and were having a good time." Hilton tried to alleviate tension by "dancing on tables," but it didn't work and she eventually left.

Then, next day, Hilton and her sister Nicky visited the Yahoo! Cafe at the Village at the Lift, where a waitress again tried to seat them next to Doherty and Salomon. "Paris started freaking out screaming, 'No! No! Not there!,' "

--I too alleviate tension by dancing on tables. ;)

Indy's Elimidate

Indianapolis will be front and center when "elimiDATE" airs tonight on WTTV (Channel 4), the local WB affiliate.

If you have never seen this reality show before, here's how it works: Four suitors vie for the attention of another person. Sometimes it's a guy choosing from four women. In this episode, Samantha will pick among four guys, Chris, Kyle, Jeremy and Tad. (Last names are not revealed.)

The taping started at Bourbon Street Distillery, and owner Owen Brant said he'd be happy to host another television show. "It was kind of fun to do," he reports.

If the bar is still open when the program airs at 1:30 a.m., Brant said, he'll have it on for customers to watch. Insomniacs can catch it when it is repeated at 4:30 a.m., according to the release sent out by the show.

--I was actually at the Distillery the night this was filmed (with Amanda, Kel P., and Chuck). It was funny to watch.

This Is Just Wrong

Rap mogul Sean 'P Diddy' Combs is in negotiations to buy four of British composer Andrew Lloyd Webber's legendary theatres in London's West End.

Lord Lloyd Webber - the creator of musical blockbusters The Phantom Of The Opera, Starlight Express, Cats and Evita - is selling the Apollo, the Garrick, the Duchess and the Lyric, all major names in the capital's theatre district. And hip-hop star, Combs is obsessed with the stage - following his Broadway debut last year in Raisin In The Sun - so is keen to expand his Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment business empire by adding the theatre to his $285 million clothing brand, two restaurants, music publishing and product marketing. Lloyd Webber's Really Useful Group has confirmed it has received one firm bid for the four playhouse theatres.

--Say it ain't so. One show does not a Broadway expert make.

Because We Need Another Reality Series

Take seven brainy nerds and seven dim beauties, add Ashton Kutcher as a matchmaker and what do you get? A television reality series, of course. Kutcher, the brains behind MTV's "Punk'd," is producing the new series for the WB network this summer.

The goal of "Beauty and the Geek" is to couple seemingly mismatched pairs and see which can work best together, said David Janollari, the network's entertainment president, on Saturday.

"It's really looking at stereotypes of people and how we look at beautiful women and not-so-beautiful men," he said.

Stiffler's Mom

Sounds like Stiffler's mom:

A 40-year-old woman held sex and drug parties with teenage boys, telling police she wanted to be a "cool mom," authorities say.

Sylvia Johnson allegedly provided marijuana, methamphetamine and alcohol to eight boys at parties she hosted at her suburban Denver home in 2003 and 2004. According to court papers, she admitted having sex with five of the boys.

One of the boys told his mother, and Johnson was arrested in December and charged with offenses including sexual assault and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

SJP Does More Gap

Actress Sarah Jessica Parker is falling into more Gap advertisements.

The former "Sex and the City" star has signed on to represent the clothing chain in its spring 2005 marketing campaign - the third straight she's been involved. Her spots premier sometime in March.

In a previous Gap ad, a cast of digitally added Parker clones tromped around rock star Lenny Kravitz. In another, Parker partied with actor Josh Duhamel and R&B singer Mary J. Blige.

Dumb Criminals

A Serbian car thief told police he was Bruce Willis and produced a fake passport as ID.

Goran Markovic, 46, was pulled over by police at a routine roadside check in Pirot, local daily Blic reported. When asked for his ID, Markovic, who was wearing dark sunglasses and a cap, told them he was Bruce Willis and handed over the passport.

But police immediately arrested him when they saw the passport was Australian and soon discovered he had dozens of other passports with fake identities and the car he was driving had been stolen.

A police spokesman said: "Even the real Bruce Willis would have had trouble convincing officers it was him. It's not very often we get American film stars driving around southern Serbia on their own."

You Gotta Fight...

...for your right, to flash people!

As a Ventura County public defender, Liana Johnsson has handled many life-changing cases, but her biggest public crusade these days has been going topless.

For months, Johnsson has been fighting to allow topless women at California beaches and parks, and now the issue has made its way to the Capitol.

A group of lawyers, at Johnsson's request, has asked the Legislature to make topless sunbathing legal, saying the ban is the last criminal sanction that treats women differently than men.

The new movement has urgency: Because of a December court ruling, Johnsson and other attorneys contend, women convicted of indecent exposure could find themselves listed as sex offenders under Megan's Law, alongside rapists and child molesters.

"At some point, men's breasts became liberated and women's didn't," Johnsson said Friday.

Slap Happy

A craze in which thugs slap strangers across the face and record it on video phone is sweeping Britain.

The so-called "happy slappers" attack while an accomplice captures it to post on the internet or send to another mobile.

--I'm sure there is something wrong with me, but I think this is funny.

We'll Be Seeing You

TV legend Johnny Carson died this morning.

He was a legend. He was a class act. He was a comedic genius.

I Love the 90's

90's Boom:

New York is opening its first '90s-themed nightclub, complete with Monica cocktails, a "Basic Instinct" room and a VIP booth set inside a white Bronco - an homage to O.J.'s famous car chase.

"We're seeing so much of the '90s get regurgitated now," says owner Robert Wattman, who named his new space Nerveana, partly after grunge behemoth Nirvana.

That crowd might be difficult to cultivate, given such down-market cocktails as the John Wayne Bobbitt ("A Cut Above the Rest"), the Titanic ("It Will Take You Down") and, of course, the O.J. ("It's to Die for") - as well as his patrons' propensity for "singing in unison."

There is also small room at the club devoted to hip-hop, decorated with murals of Tupac, Eazy-E, P. Diddy and the Notorious B.I.G., needs to be stocked with 40-ounce bottles of malt liquor.

Also this week, VH1 is premiering "I Love the '90s, Part Deux" - a follow-up to its highly rated "I Love the '90s" specials. There are '90s nights at clubs from New York (the Cellar's "OK Cola" party) to D.C. (The Black Cat's "My So-Called '90s"), as well as best-selling '90s compilation CDs.

RetailWatch

--Nothing shows motherly respect like a trucker cap:

--I mean, seriously people. If you have to purchase this, you have serious issues.

J.Lo Enters Reality TV Realm

Jennifer Lopez will launch a fall clothing line next month, and she's taking MTV along for the ride. Lopez is letting camera crews trail her during the design process and as she runs her company for "Jennifer Lopez: Beyond the Runway," set to air Feb. 24 at 10 p.m.

Along the way, viewers will see her choosing styles and fashion models. The series will culminate with a fashion show on the final night of New York Fashion Week.

Lopez turned up on MTV's "TRL" yesterday to talk about the show, her new music and a potential concert tour.

"We're launching a whole brand-new line," Lopez said of the new clothes. "Its a little higher-end, it's going to be during fashion week, it's my first fashon show."

--She just can't handle being out of the spotlight for 5 seconds.

Too Much Hasselhoff

I found this to be quite disturbing. View at your own risk.

From "Housewives" to Hosts

The ladies at "The View" are getting pretty desperate.

During the week of Feb. 7, the five stars of "Desperate Housewives" will co-host ABC's "The View" while the show broadcasts from Los Angeles. Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Nicollette Sheridan, Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross will each join the daytime talk show for a day.

From Broadway to Film

Pop star Beyonce Knowles is being given the chance to expand her acting resume, and star in a new movie version of Broadway musical Dreamgirls.

After starring in Austin Powers sequel Goldmember and the upcoming Pink Panther remake, producers are convinced Knowles has what it takes to make a full-time film career - and want her to headline the movie, about a singing trio from Chicago, loosely based on real life stars The Supremes.

Beyonce is being tipped to play frontwoman Effie, the role made famous on Broadway by actress Jennifer Holliday. Chicago screenwriter/director Bill Condon is currently heading up the project and is rumored to want Ray star Jamie Foxx to take a role.

Business Update

Obscene Green for the Luxury Goods Industry:

French luxury goods powerhouse LVMH does, having just announced record 2004 sales of $16.39 billion.

Organic growth was up 11% over 2003. The estimated growth in operating income, pending the release of audited results in March, stands at 10%.

While reported sales in the Watches & Jewelry and Perfumes & Cosmetics sectors were down 1% each, sales at Wines & Sprits and at Fashion & Leather Goods were up 8% and 5% respectively in real terms. In the latter category, Louis Vuitton was the acknowledged cash cow, according to an LVMH release recording its best-ever weekly sales during the Christmas week as part of an “exceptional performance” in 2003, raising Fashion & Leather Goods sales to €4.367 billion ($5.68 billion).

The report went on to note, “2004 was highlighted by a host of new leather goods products, created by Marc Jacobs, for which demand is so strong that it still cannot be fully satisfied, and by the launch of Louis Vuitton’s first jewelry line, which met with instant success. Louis Vuitton also opened several stores during 2004 on every continent. In addition, the year saw the emergence of several high-growth potential brands such as Marc Jacobs and Pucci.”

The Selective Retailing sector registered particularly high growth of 11%. “In the United States, for the fourth year in a row, sales growth on a comparable store basis was in double digits” for Sephora.

One Beer Short of a Sixpack

Where's the dumbest city in America according to Men's Health magazine?

In my own state of Indiana. Ugh.

Thanks for the tip, Iceman.

Hot Mamas

2 stories showing you can be hip at ANY age:

--They're housewives, workaholics, PTA members and ... rock stars? Women fighting to shatter the stay-at-home-mom stereotype and rediscover their youthful voice are forming bands, such as Housewives on Prozac in suburban New York, Frump in Dallas and Placenta in Oakland, Calif.

These moms are rocking the house and the cradle, singing about breast-feeding, exhaustion and making kids do their chores.

"I feel like what we do is remind people about their passion and that sense of importance and that sense of vitality," said Joy Rose, a 47-year-old mother of four who founded Housewives on Prozac in 1997. "Life is really short and it's important to live colorfully."

--Here's an article discussing how the presence of sexy and sophisticated ladies in Hollywood has served to send television viewers a message: that actresses of a certain age need not be covered from neck to toe.

Thanks for the tip, Brian.

Usher Has No Love for J.Lo

Usher is ticked at J.Lo:

R&B star Usher is none too happy about Jennifer Lopez's new record "Get Right" — as readers of this column will remember from last week.

That's because Usher already recorded "Get Right" as a single called "Ride" that wasn't included on his most recent album, "Confessions," but was available as a 12-inch club record and on the Internet last year.

When someone asked him about the contretemps last week, he responded by saying, "I hate it. And I'd better get some of the publishing [rights]."

BritNews

Ok, we all know that Brit is so excited about her latest video, which she co-directed. Here's what you have to look forward to:

Her latest video features the singer playing air guitar in her underwear, singing in a faux girl band, and flying a pink Hummer through the clouds. In it, Spears wears a pink midriff T-shirt reading "Love Boat" and a pink capelet, making her way to a club called Hole in the Wall with her four blond bandmates via the flying pink Hummer and singing, "Somebody give me my truck/ So I can ride on the clouds/ ... Somebody pass my guitar/ So I can look like a star." En route, they whip their hair in sync to the beat as Spears puts the car on autopilot.

--Sure sounds like a masterpiece to me.

And in other Britney news...

Britney Spears has been out shopping in a baby store - and reportedly told staff she is nine weeks pregnant. The sexy singer recently revealed she is keen to start a family with Kevin Federline, who she married last year, and it seems her wish may have come true.

Spears was snapped browsing in Babystyle in Santa Monica, California with minders, before spending $34 on a two piece swimsuit. Fellow shopper Jenny Dyke says, "She spent 20 minutes in the changing rooms. I don't know why anyone would try on clothes for pregnant women unless they are expecting themselves."

Fashion Flashback

Looks like jellies are back in. (Although I can't for the life of me figure out why).

Simon Says...

Opinions from Simon Cowell:

On Beyonce: "I find the whole Beyonce thing really mystifying," Cowell says in Esquire magazine, on newsstands Friday. "She's not sexy, she hasn't got a great body and she's not a great singer."

On Ashlee Simpson: "Why should you have to do something substandard just for the sake of being real? If it sounds better with the vocal you recorded, why shouldn't people listen to that? There's almost a witch-hunt mentality about people miming," he said.

On President Bush: "He could almost be a robot."

On marriage: "At the end of the day, it's an incredibly unfair contract."

On France: "We [the British] have hated the French for years. Now you [the United States] have just joined the club. It makes you much more likable."

Role Playing

Gwen on having kids:

When singer Gwen Stefani has kids, they can look forward to an interesting childhood. She says she wants to dress up as famous fantasy characters to keep things fun at home.

Gwen reveals: "I was thinking that when I have children, I should always dress as a character for them, so they think their mom is Alice in Wonderland or Cinderella."

Talking about her future, Gwen, who's married to Bush rocker Gavin Rossdale, said: "I've always wanted to do the family thing. "I'm a woman and I'm 35. I don't have that much time left to do this kind of pop record. Let's be real about it."

VF Website

Vanity Fair has a new website. Check it out!

Nutty Auction

You just never know what you're going to find on Ebay.

Just Say No to Swimsuit Issue

There are, it seems, subscribers who dislike Sports Illustrated's annual swimsuit issue.

And occasionally, there have been demonstrations outside the magazine's office building in Manhattan. But now the magazine is inviting subscribers to say "no thanks" to Veronica Varekova, Carolyn Murphy and other models, including the one who will be the winner of a new reality show, NBC's "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search."

The headline on a small box in two recent issues read "If You Don't Want the Swimsuit Issue." The notice provided a phone number (1-866-228-1175) for subscribers to request that the issue not be mailed to them. Those who make the request will have their subscriptions extended by one issue.

--I'm sorry, but I know no guys who would call this number.

Brady Blueprints

Who knew there existed actual blueprints to the Brady's house in The Brady Bunch? Click here for the first floor, and click here for the second floor/attic.

Quiztime

Found at Kelly's blog

Model Citizens

Three celebrities from Alabama have agreed to serve as role models for students in career and technical education programs.

The Alabama Board of Education passed resolutions last week commending actress Courteney Cox Arquette, former professional football and baseball star Bo Jackson and pop singer Lionel Richie for agreeing to be role models for career and technical education students. All three celebrities attended public schools in Alabama.

The Producers

I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the national touring company of The Producers here in Indianapolis last night at the Murat.

Run, don't walk, to see this show.

I LOVED it. I won't ramble on about it, but trust me, it's well worth the money. I never stopped laughing.

"Springtime for Hitler, and Germany..."

Under the Radar

Here are some events that supposedly occurred at the Golden Globes that you might not have read about:

--Sandra Oh consoled weepy "Sideways" co-star Virginia Madsen in a ladies' room after Madsen lost out to Natalie Portman, says a spy.

--Newly blond Thora Birch arrived at the InStyle party to find her newly brunette "American Beauty" co-star Mena Suvari already partying. "We role reversed," Birch said of the dye jobs. "Soon I will be talking stupid and no one will know the difference [between us.]"

--Barflies at the Four Seasons' lounge got an unexpected treat when Jamie Foxx sat down at the piano at 1:30 a.m. and sang an instant classic about his Oscar chances.

--"Arrested Development" star Jason Bateman, who won for Best Actor in a Comedy Series, nearly didn't make it to the telecast. "My wife, Amanda, and I had to walk the last half mile" when their limo got stuck in traffic, he told us. "Amanda was so p-d."

Hmmm....

Dear male readers of MP&S:

Care to weigh on this little item?

Maybe an investment in this might help both sides.

Please share your thoughts.

Warm regards,
Lawren

Webber to Sell All?

British composer Andrew Lloyd Webber is "giving serious consideration" to selling his entire business empire to an unnamed American corporation. The firm made the Phantom Of The Opera musician an offer in late 2004, valuing his Really Useful Company at "several hundred million pounds", writes British newspaper The Daily Telegraph.

And Lloyd Webber is reportedly considering the offer - which would require him to sell the copyright to all his musicals and his half-share of 11 West End theatres in London. A source says, "Andrew is 56-years-old and he is much more interested in the creative areas of his world than anything else. He does not want to run businesses."

F'ing Patriotism

F-Bomb Dropped at Inaugural:

Borrowing a word from Motley Crue's Vince Neil, the lead singer of Fuel proclaimed, "Welcome to the greatest ----ing country in the world." Brett Scallions followed with a quick apology of "excuse my language."

Scorsese to Make Movie About Dylan

Martin Scorsese has been working on a film about Bob Dylan for two years and there's one important person he hasn't spoken to about it: Bob Dylan.

"I'd not like to deal with the man directly," Scorsese told television critics this weekend. "I'd like to create the story, to find the story, first of all, and then play it out the way I think it's right."

--Hmmm. Guess that whole "going straight to the source" thing doesn't fly with Scorsese. But of course, who said any "based on a true story" movies in Hollywood are accurate anyway. Accuracy doesn't really seem like the goal.

X Files News

For all you X Files watchers out there:

--Former "X-Files" star Gillian Anderson has married longtime boyfriend Julian Ozanne.

The couple exchanged vows Dec. 29 at a friend's beach house on Lamu's Shella island, off Kenya's Indian Ocean coast, People magazine said Tuesday. The ceremony, which included hymns sung by a Kenyan choir in Swahili, was attended by immediate family and a handful of close friends.

--In an exclusive interview David Duchovny, who played Fox Mulder in the cult sci-fi TV series for eight years, stated he and the show’s creator Chris Carter are planning on making a sequel to their 1998 movie.

The 44-year-old said: "It’s always been my desire to turn The X Files into a film franchise. "We’re hoping to get together just under a year from now and make another X Files movie. "Chris is working on the script right now with Frank Spotnitz, who was one of the writers on the show. "Gillian Anderson who played Dana Scully hasn’t signed yet, but we’d need to have her on board.

--I never got into this show, but I know many people did.

Apprentice: the Musical?

Donald Trump is humming a Broadway melody as "The Apprentice" returns for its third season Thursday. Trump said he and fellow executive producer Mark Burnett are weighing a stage musical based on the NBC reality series about competition among corporate jobseekers.

"We are really looking at it and we've had a lot of interest from Broadway," Trump said Tuesday.

The real estate mogul, known for excess rather than understatement, predicted a musical adaptation "would be a smash." The proposal is being shaped, he said, promising more details later.

--Oh please. Someone stop him!

Stupid

Midwest Airlines is focusing on four-footed customers in hopes of wooing more of the two-footed kind.

Midwest announced a program Monday that gives pets a free round-trip ticket for every three domestic round-trip flights they take with their owners.

--I didn't realize that many people travel w/ their pets.

Couric's PDA

Hey, Katie! Get a room!

While dining with her new boyfriend Chris Botti at 'Cesca on Saturday night, Katie Couric showed the whole restaurant how much she cared about him.

The 48-year-old Couric eagerly swapped spit with Botti, 42, behind a menu she was holding up. "As the drinks continued to flow, Katie got bolder and bolder with him," the witness tattled to The Post's Braden Keil. "Soon she just forgot about holding up the menu, and went after Botti like a hormonally charged teenager. At one point she just grabbed his face and shoved her tongue down his throat."

Getting Into Character

Looks like rising hip-hop star (HA!) K. Feddy is getting in touch with his funky side by sporting some braids:

JenniFUR

Jennifer Lopez wore no less than three different fur coats while on the set of her new video.

--Here comes PETA.

Shut up, Vincent

Boy, actor/director Vincent Gallo sure knows how to make friends:

About Kirsten Dunst: She "became another person - she was a cold, curt, nasty little witch of a brat on the phone."

About Kirsten Dunst again: "If she wants to do lame, stupid movies, it's great, I respect her ... "

About actor Tim Roth: "Tim Roth is like holding a penis upside down to make it appear erect."

About actress Christina Ricci: "I don't like her. But it's OK. She's basically a puppet. I told her what to do, and she did it."

Rambo: First Viagra

Sylvester Stallone has promised fans of his Rambo franchise they can expect another installment of the all-action series - even though he's nearly 60.

Stallone, who is currently 58 years old, is holding talks with movie bosses about resurrecting the 80s blockbusters, which centered on a violent, disillusioned Vietnam veteran. He says, "We're in the kitchen and we're cooking. I've had meetings about this and it looks good. We'll see what we come up with."

--Wow. I sure can rest easy now. ;)

MAC's Supreme Decision

MAC's Supreme Decision:

Diana Ross is M.A.C’s 2005 Beauty Icon. The cosmetics giant, known for over-the-top campaigns with the world’s biggest divas, has named Diana their newest inspiration, and created a line that’s all about her.

Besides additions to M.A.C’s signature color collection — created with input from the legendary singe — M.A.C also designed two shimmer powders, plus Diana-inspired brushes and compacts in a shiny pink chrome.

Fashion Update

Top Designers Are Focusing on Men's Fashion:

Prada stays traditional: Models just out of boyhood, with wispy hairstyles and de rigueur horn-rimmed glasses, walked the runway in traditional overcoats, tweed or leather blazers, patterned cashmere pullovers, and casual slacks.

Ties came in preppie wool or striped silk, but Master Prada actually prefers a thin woolen scarf tied like an ascot. The only funky items in the collection were the haphazard knit and leather caps.

Dolce and Gabanna bring it down: Their Sunday show got the current round of Italian menswear off to an eye-opening start with a new pair of jeans that make hipster pants look like overalls.

During the show, which inaugurated the five-day preview showings for the fall-winter 2005-2006, the fun-loving duo paraded Adonis models with perfect muscle tone and multiple tattoos, in jeans both distressed and bejeweled, but above all belted way below the belly button.

Versace for the busy man: Donatella Versace presented a man who likes life on the fast track. He prefers conquering the city on a powerful motorcycle, wearing a jet-black leather jacket with flexible padding at the elbow, matched with leather pants with the same padding at the knees. When he shows up at the office he can wear either a slick tight-fitting pinstriped suit or a velvet dinner jacket over pants with golden zipper pockets, proving that his clock doesn't tick conventional time.

Jil Sander stays comfortable: The Jil Sander collection — also presented Sunday — was neat and nice with proper suits and ultra-soft cashmere sweaters all in black, gray and classic camel. The collection was put together by the Sander's menswear designing team after the designer left the company for the second time in the fall of 2004.

Big Finish for Samuel L.

Big Finish for Samuel L.:

Samuel L. Jackson dies in his next huge film - but he does it in a really cool way.

Director George Lucas assured the actor that his Jedi knight character would go out in a blaze of glory in the forthcoming "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith," and the director apparently made good on his promise.

"It's rousing," Jackson told the San Francisco Chronicle in Sunday's editions. "It's a great light-saber battle with 102 moves in three big rooms."

Odd Opera

A new opera based on the life of Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi, featuring a rapper as Gadhafi and a chorus of all-female bodyguards, highlights the new season of the English National Opera.

The program of London's second-largest opera company will be the first season fully curated by the company's new artistic director, Sean Doran. The Gadhafi opera, created by the dance-hip-hop collective Asian Dub Foundation, and an opera based on Rainier Werner Fassbinder's film "The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant," are among new works scheduled.

The Worst

My votes for Golden Globe worst dress and worst hair:

Worst Dress: Paula Abdul

Worst hair: Charlize Theron (I actually think her dress is quite pretty, but DAMN that hair is gross!)

On the Road Again

Willie Nelson and three business partners recently formed a company called Willie Nelson's Biodiesel that is marketing the fuel to truck stops. The fuel is made from vegetable oils, mainly soybeans, and can be burned without modification to diesel engines.

"I got on the computer and punched in biodiesel and found out this could be the future," said Nelson, who now uses the fuel for his cars and tour buses.

Get a Stylist, Diane

This one's for Chuck--no shock as to what disastrous ensemble Diane Keaton wore last night:

Spring Must Have

What's the hot must-have for spring? The shrunken jacket.

Casting News

--Kim Basinger could soon be taking on a more conservative role than usual. She is in negotiations to star as the First Lady in a new political thriller called 'The Sentinel,' according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Michael Douglas is already signed on to play a Secret Service agent who has an affair with the First Lady, thus becoming a suspect in a plot to assassinate the president. Kiefer Sutherland of Fox's "24" is also reportedly in talks to join the cast as an agent in the upcoming movie.

--Northern Ireland native Liam Neeson is set to take star in another biopic - as celebrated American President Abraham Lincoln. The actor is currently in talks with director Steven Spielberg to take on the lead role in the film, which will follow the US leader as he guides the North to victory in the Civil War.

Spielberg, currently working on War Of The Worlds with Tom Cruise, has expressed a desire to make a movie about Lincoln since 2001, when the rights to the upcoming biography The Uniter: The Genius Of Abraham Lincoln were bought by Dreamworks.

Firey Passion

Some early morning hanky-panky nearly proved deadly for a 32-year-old Manhattan woman when a candle ignited a comforter while she and a neighbor were in bed, witnesses said.

While I realize this is a very serious situation, this quote in the article made me laugh: "This is so embarrassing," said Leo. "We had never done that before and now she's in the hospital and my cat's dead."

GG

Here's your complete list of Golden Globe winners.

I can't give my usual award show long-winded commentary because I missed most of the show.

Weekend

I had a fabulous weekend in Chicago. A group of us from undergrad got together for T's Bachelorette Party/Wedding Shower Weekend.

I flew in to Midway (which, by the way, is so much nicer now that it's re-done) on Friday night. We had a low-key night in order to save our strength. We just chatted, had some wine, and ate some homeade guac and chips, and baked gouda prepared by T and her husband-to-be.

Starting at 3 on Saturday, we headed to another girlfriend's house for T's shower. Lots of good food and wine to be had. And lots of gifts, of course. We then went to 1154 Lill, which we had closed down for our group. It's a cute little store where you can design purses, and they make them and ship them to you. You should really check it out the next time you're in Chicago.

We then journeyed on to a sports bar-type place where we had an area blocked off. All you can drink for $25. Everyone got T a pair of underwear that she opened at the bar, and she had to guess who they were from. I got her these with a note that read, "A little bit Charlotte, and a little bit Samantha." Needless to say, she knew immediately who they were from.

Next stop was a great dance club that played all 80's music. We danced until about 2:30, and then decided it was time to head home.

It was a great weekend, and just what I needed: Some girl time. Congrats, T!!!

Ben's a Trekkie

Looks like Ben's a "trekkie:"

Hairy Situation?

Jennifer Aniston has left the Hollywood mansion she shared with Brad Pitt before their marriage break-up - and moved in with her hairdresser. The former Friends beauty - who confirmed her marriage was over last Friday - has reportedly formed such a strong friendship with stylist-to-the-stars Chris McMillan, he was the first person she turned to for advice and comfort.

Aniston's confidante was responsible for her Friends character Rachel Green's hairstyles - which led to millions of imitation cuts around the world - and the actress' locks on her wedding day four-and-a-half years ago.

A source tells British newspaper The Sun, "She went straight to Chris' house when she got back to LA. She couldn't face going back to the house she shared with Brad. She found the idea too upsetting. Chris has been a great shoulder to cry on for her over the years and he's there for her now. They first met in the set of Friends ten years ago and have been best pals ever since."

Men Getting Their Hands Held on Idol

Affirmative American Idol Action:

"American Idol" turned into the battle of the divas last season. This year, male contestants are getting a little help.

In a bid to freshen the Fox series as it begins its fourth season Tuesday - and to even the playing field dominated in 2004 by female songbirds - half of the 24 semifinalist spots are promised to men.

--Oh come on!

Affair Again

"A Current Affair" is coming back to television.

The syndicated news magazine show, which ran from 1986 to 1996, will return this spring with former NFL player, author and Fox Sports commentator Tim Green as host, Twentieth Television announced Thursday.

"I heard people describe it as an everyman's `60 Minutes,'" Green told the AP. "In the script I read for the show, the content seemed sort of Shakespearean with both the comedy and the tragedy."

--Are you kidding me with that Tim? Maybe my memory is failing me, but I recall the quality being a step above "Jerry Springer" and a step below "Inside Edition."

Sizing Up the Competition

To the ladies:

Ever get annoyed how you can be 3 different sizes at 3 different stores? This article sheds some light on how clothing in some stores run.

Disney Doing Tron

Disney has commissioned a remake of Steven Lisberger’s "Tron."

“We are contemporizing it,” screenwriter Brian Klugman told Variety, “taking these ideas that were ahead of the curve and applying them to the present, and we feel the film now has a chance to resonate with a young audience."

Sad News

Condolences to Academy Award-winning actor Chris Cooper and his wife Marianne.

They lost their only child, 17-year-old son Jesse, on Monday night. He died of complications due to cerebral palsy. The Coopers had moved to the South Shore area of Boston from New York because they felt Massachusetts was more progressive about mainstreaming kids with disabilities, according to the Boston Herald.

--Sad. On a Chris Cooper note, while he rarely has main lead roles, I think he is one of the finest actors on the screen today.

Tube Initiative

London Underground is to pipe endless recitals of "uncool" music into trouble-prone tube stations in an attempt to encourage disorderly teenagers to go away.

Tube bosses intend to use recordings of Pavarotti recitals, Vivaldi and Mozart in a battle against anti-social behaviour at 35 stations on the District, East London, Metropolitan and Hammersmith & City lines.

The initiative, announced yesterday by Metronet, LU's maintenance contractor, follows a trial at four east London stations which prompted a 33% drop in abuse against staff.

--Mozart? I thought they would have gone with Captain and Tenille or something.

Enhancement?

Is it me, or does this Million Dollar Baby appear to have some new million dollar cleavage?

Hindsight

Pamela Anderson was offered the lead role in the series Desperate Housewives, but turned it down after producers asked her to dye her hair brown.

“Blonde is my trademark so I said no,” explained the 37-year-old former Baywatch star. “Now I could kick myself as the show is simply great. I am hoping to persuade them to give me a guest star role.”

Pam could have starred as Susan Mayer – the divorcee and single mother, struggling to find love with the perfect man. The part eventually went to former Lois And Clark star Terri Hatcher.

--Um, Pam--if your agent advised you on that one, fire him. However, I think we're all relieved Teri Hatcher has the part.

Share the Wealth

To the cheers of male co-stars everywhere:

According to Harpers and Queen magazine, Scarlett Johansson, who refers to her breasts as the "girls," claims she is happy for her male co-stars to see her breasts.

"A lot of people get nervous. I try to be relaxed," says the actress. "There are those first few takes where you're like, 'This is awkward', and it's hot and you're almost naked.

"But if someone catches sight of your bare breasts, you think: 'Let them have it and enjoy it for the day.'"

Poor Taste

Heil Harry:

Men of Style

Click here to view Style.com's compilation of Men of Style.

--I just love the above pic of Gary Cooper. So Gatsby.

We Are the Future

A plan to record an update to the 1985 benefit song "We Are the World" has been postponed by organizers, who say that raising funds for the victims of the tsunami disaster in south Asia takes precedence for now.

Veteran hit music producer Quincy Jones and performer/producer Jermaine Dupri had planned to record a new version of the song – titled "We Are the Future" – on Feb. 14, a day after the upcoming Grammy Awards.

--I'm sorry, but "We Are the Future" just doesn't have the same ring. Also, do you think the problem stems from the lack of talent there is out there to have sing the song? I remember looking at that video and being in awe of the talent they had singing. Wouldn't quite be the same with Ashlee Simpson, Hillary Duff, and Eminem, now would it?

Stupid

A Romanian couple who met each other on the internet have named their baby Yahoo.

--My parents met when my mom (while at IU) and her sorority sisters played in a IU-DePauw (where my dad went) bridge tournament. Good thing they didn't name me Slam (which my mother informed me is a bridge term).

From Broadway to Hollywood

Another example of Broadway hitting the big screen:

Variety reports that out writer-director Bill Condon (Kinsey) has been tapped to direct the long-awaited film adaptation of the Broadway smash Dreamgirls.

Condon, who won an Oscar for the screenplay of Gods and Monsters, received an Academy Award nomination for writing another musical adaptation, Chicago. Dreamgirls tells the story of a Supremes-like trio of female singers who rise from obscurity to superstardom.

--Thanks for the tip, Chuck. :)

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Ashley Olsen parties like a rock star:

Ashley Olsen and her pals celebrated their holiday break in a bungalow suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel - and then some of them allegedly wrecked the place.

A spy reports: "They completely trashed it. There was total disregard and disrespect for property."

But the spy insists: "It was total excess - expensive stuff and Champagne lying around everywhere. Of course, they had to go to the Beverly Hills Hotel and wreck a room. It's such a celebrity cliché."

Nas and Kelis Get Hitched

Rapper Nas and R&B songstress Kelis were married Saturday during an intimate ceremony, according to Nas' publicist.

The musical couple had been dating for two years and were hitched in an Atlanta church before attending their reception in the city's upscale Buckhead neighborhood, publicist Tony Ferguson said.

--I'm waiting for my resident expert in hip hop and rap, Iceman, to weigh in on this.

Big Mistake

This story doesn't top the pain level of the one a few posts down, but it's close:

A grandmother ended up in hospital when she confused her eye drops with superglue. Terry Horder, 78, reached for the medicated drops in her fridge but got the glue instead.

Nurses used vegetable oil to try to remove the glue which fused Mrs Horder's eyelashes together and seeped under the lids.

Fashion News

--Blackwell's Worst Dressed

1. Nicollette Sheridan
2. Lindsay Lohan
3. (tie) Ashlee and Jessica Simpson
4. Courtney Love
5. Paris Hilton
6. Serena Williams
7. Britney Spears
8. Paula Abdul
9. Meryl Streep
10. Anna Nicole Smith

--Blackwell gave kudos, however, to "fabulous fashion independents" Nicole Kidman, Natalie Portman, Barbara Walters, Kate Winslet, Annette Bening, Oprah Winfrey, Scarlett Johansson, Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Garner and Sheridan's on-screen nemesis Teri Hatcher.

--Oscar is the man for the First Lady: The full-length wrap gown that Laura Bush plans to wear to the inaugural ball will be classic and elegant but "with a touch of shimmer and shine," according to designer Oscar de la Renta. "It's right for the occasion," he said Monday.

--Meanwhile the Bush daughters choose Badgley Mischka: The 23-year old twins of President George W. Bush will be sporting Badgley Mischka gowns for their dad’s February inauguration. In a company statement, the designing duo revealed that “for Miss Jenna Bush, designers Mark Badgley and James Mischka created an emerald silk crepe gown with metallic leather details and jeweled insets. Miss Barbara Bush will wear a pale aquamarine silk chiffon gown with jeweled straps and a ruffle-seamed skirt.”

Ouch!

Hell Hath No Fury... (To my male readers: read with caution)

A jilted girl tore off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands - then popped it in her mouth, a court heard yesterday. Amanda Monti, 24, grabbed Jeffrey Jones, 37, by the genitals in a rage after he refused to have sex.

She ripped off his left testicle leaving him in "excruciating pain". Monti, just 5ft 2in, then put it in her mouth to hide it.

The testicle was later found by a pal of Mr Jones who handed it back, saying: "That's yours." Doctors were unable to re-attach it.

After a party at his home in Netherton, she wanted sex but he was not interested. There was a struggle and she ripped off his shorts leaving him in his pants.

--Did she think that was going to make him want to have sex? Looks like there's a little Lorena Bobbit in a lot of women.

Beer Needs Image Consultant

Martinis=Sexy.

Beer=Not Sexy.

--I knew that. :)

Get Over Yourself

US presidential candidate John Kerry might have got some votes had Eminem released his anti-Bush single and accompanying video much before the election, or so he thinks.

According to Rate the music, Eminem released 'Mosh' just before the election, but he fears he could have swung the vote against the President if the track was released two weeks earlier.

--Whatever, Em. You're don't have that much pull with voters. Most of the people that listen to you don't even vote anyway.

Boy, This Made Me Feel Stupid

Think you know your vocab words? Take this quiz and find out.

My score was NOT impressive.

Female Lawyers Score a Victory

Female lawyers in Cyprus have won a round in the battle to reform their legal profession by winning the right to wear trousers in court.

Until now the dress code for women was dark skirts and jackets with white blouses but new regulations for dark "classic cut" trousers were approved by the Supreme Court and introduced at the beginning of the year.

But lest some females take their newly-found dress freedom too far, the Supreme Court cautions that the material and style of the trousers should remain within the realm of good taste.

--They allow women to attend law school there, but still restrict their wardrobes?

One More Splurge at Starbucks

Starbucks has a new beverage: Chantico Drinking Chocolate.

--Like there needs to be something else for me to ruin my figure on there.

Was it Angelina?

Brad and Angelina are maintaining that they are close, but strictly platonic.

However, rumor has it that...

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's marriage came to an end after she caught him having phone sex with Angelina Jolie, it has been claimed.

Britain's News of the World newspaper alleges that the former 'Friends' beauty went "ballistic" when she heard her husband having steamy conversations with his co-star Angelina and the couple quickly decided their four-year-old marriage was over.

A source told the paper: "Jennifer listened in on the conversation but I don't know if she accidentally picked up the other phone or deliberately did that.

Either way, she went ballistic. "When she confronted Brad about it, he wasn't going to take it any more. He realized it was the end of the line for marriage and he told Jennifer as much."

--If true, I'd say she justifiably went "ballistic."

Porn Club

Columbia House, famous for its "12 CDs for a penny" record clubs, will launch its own adult video club with Playboy Entertainment at the end of this month.

The service, called Hush, will sell pornography through direct mail and a Web site.

Last June, Columbia House struck a quiet deal with Playboy to add about 150 of its more "tasteful" product line to the Columbia House DVD Club, and it has also been test marketing adult titles through its Canadian subsidiary. Litwak said very few club members have complained.

--As if there wasn't enough places for guys to buy porn. I'm so relieved it's only going to be the "tasteful" stuff. HA!

Knightley to Become Bricklayer?

From acting to bricklaying:

Keira Knightley has revealed that she is looking into a career in bricklaying.

The 19-year-old, who is paid around £1.5 million per movie, thinks that the career change would be a "positive experience" should her film work dry up.

"Everyone laughs when I say I'm looking into bricklaying. But I decided if an apocalypse ever comes I'd like to be a skilled laborer and not be left behind at a campfire making gruel," she said.

"My friend's looking for a job and we found out you can get £15 to £30 an hour for bricklaying. I've found the courses and the moment I have some spare time I want to do it. I'm sure i can find a positive experience in laying bricks."

Motley Marriage

Vince Neil, 43, Motley Crue's lead singer, married girlfriend Lia Gerardini, 37, Sunday at the Four Seasons hotel.

With MC Hammer officiating, the pair exchanged vows in front of a celebrity crowd that included Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx, Dennis Rodman and Playboy Playmate Brande Roderick, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported.

Motley Crue, the 1980s metal band known for their hard partying and wild sexcapades, recently reunited after a five-year hiatus. The rockin' couple's Clark County marriage license lists this as Neil's fourth marriage and Gerardini's second.

--Did anyone watch The Surreal Life? He and Hammer became really close on that show. It's cool he asked him to officiate.

Cindy's Back

Supermodel Cindy Crawford is back on the cover of British Vogue for the first time in 10 years.

The US beauty has posed for the magazine at the age of 38. Crawford also appears in one of her sexiest ever fashion spreads modelling a see-through top, micro-mini and gold swimsuit slashed to the navel.

--Go Cindy!

Tsunami Aid Shopping

Here are some guiltless purchases for you. All proceeds go to help victims of the tsunami.

Amethyst Peace Pendant

Jade Buddha Peace Pendant

Heart Chakra Necklace

Vanilla Elixir Candle

Mandy Moore's Peace, Love, and Tranquility Tee

Armani Exchange’s Lend a Hand T-Shirt

Lopez and Anthony Buy Home

South Beach, here they come!

Superstar couple Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are buying their first marital home together, in South Beach, Florida.

The New York natives, who wed in June after a whirlwind four-month courtship, own a variety of houses in California, New York and Florida between them, but have yet to buy a residence together.

But gossip website Pagesix.Com reports the Latina beauty is finalizing their purchase of a $9.9 million penthouse apartment in the fashionable new Icon Building, featuring interiors by French designer Phillippe Starck. Lopez and Anthony will be able to see views of South Beach from their huge balcony and swim in their own private pool.

Cheap Drugs in Britain

Cocaine now costs less than a coffee as cheap drugs flood Britain, says a survey.

A line of the deadly Class A drug costs just £1.95 — 20 per cent less than it did ten years ago.

Prices of ecstasy, crack, heroin and cannabis have also plummeted to record lows, encouraging hundreds of thousands of people to become users.

--Isn't that special?

Paris Squared

Paris Hilton, 23, has been spending time with a new young man... called Paris.

Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis (whose Dad, Spiro, has about $5 billion) spent the end of the year with Hilton in the Swiss resort of Gstaad.

Latis, 25, was a frequent visitor to her suite at the luxury Palace Hotel and, according to my spy, "They were everywhere together." Other snoops say the relationship has been going on for about three weeks.

--Math Lesson: Paris x Paris = Gross.

Samuel L. Says "No Way"

Samuel L. Jackson puts the smackdown on 50 Cent:

Hollywood actor Samuel L Jackson has turned down a role in Irish director Jim Sheridan's new flick because 50 Cent was already in the cast.

Sam, 56, is so precious he won't work with "unproved" actors - even though he has no qualms about starring in TV ads.

He said: "Hollywood people think because one is successful in one aspect of entertainment, they can bring them into this particular world and make a success out of them. These people think they are worthy of you sharing time on screen with them. I don't particularly think that. Maybe if 50 Cent does five movies and shows me some talent..."

Neuman's Inferno

Hollywood actor Paul Newman has escaped unharmed after a sports car he was testing caught fire at Daytona Beach in Florida on Saturday.
Organisers said flames appeared from the engine compartment of Newman's car when he tried to restart the engine after going into a spin on a turn.

Newman, 79, was quoted as saying: "I don't know what happened. I'm fine it just caught fire somehow."

867-5309

Here's a guy with way too much time on his hands and an obsession with the "865-5309" Jenny song.

"For a good time call!" :)

Rod is 60!

Happy 60th Birthday, Rod.

Rod Stewart will celebrate his 60th birthday on Monday on the deck of a ‘modest yacht’ in the Caribbean.

In turning 60, Stewart states that he has now amended his dating policy: only women over 30 need apply.

--Way to be selective there, Rod.

Sports Stars Unite

Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who will win Rookie of the Year Award for helping the Pittsburgh Steelers to the best record in the NFL, is dating 5-foot-9 blonde Natalie Gulbism, known as "the Anna Kournikova of golf."

The Las Vegas Review Journal reported this week that Ben's teammates taped her photo on his locker about five weeks ago. "He got up his nerve, called her, and sparks started flying," Norm Clarke reported. Gublis' publicist confirmed to ESPN that she plans to visit the 6-foot-5 bachelor this week from her home in Las Vegas.

Click here for a picture of her. She does kind of look like Anna.

Broadway Update

Here's your Broadway update:

--Harry Connick Jr., the crooning heartthrob and jazz stylist, will star next season in a Broadway revival of "The Pajama Game," one of the musical theater's biggest hits of the 1950s.

Connick will play the role originated in 1954 by John Raitt, according to Jeffrey Richards, a co-producer of the revival. Richards called Connick "an actor of enormous charisma and skill, a wonderful singer and a bona fide star."

--Idina Menzel, the Tony-winning star of "Wicked," fell through a trap door during the Saturday matinee of the Broadway musical and cracked a lower rib.

The show, a prequel to "The Wizard of Oz," was halted for about 45 minutes while Menzel's understudy, Shoshana Bean, prepared to go on as the green-skinned Elphaba, according to Bob Fennell, a spokesman for the musical

3 More Years

MTV has renewed "The Real World" for five more seasons, which means the reality show will stay on the air until at least 2008.

However, the spin-off "Road Rules" might be hitting the road. MTV confirmed that no decision has been made on its renewal, although the music network has ordered two more seasons of "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge."

Spacey News

It looks like Kevin Spacey will take on one of the world's biggest superheroes on the big-screen soon.

The actor, who currently portrays Bobby Darin in the biopic Beyond the Sea, is reportedly set to play Superman's arch rival, Lex Luthor, in the upcoming movie for Warner Bros. Pictures. The project could reunite Spacey with one of his current co-stars, Kate Bosworth. Bosworth, who plays Sandra Dee in Beyond the Sea, is reportedly in negotiations for the part of Superman's famous love interest, Lois Lane. The movie is expected to begin filming in March.

Blogs to Check Out

Does anyone remember Rachel Whelchel who played Blair The Facts of Life? I read the other day that she too has a blog. There is even a link to the theme song. Man, I LOVED that show! It appears she's nothing like materialistic bitch Blair--it appears she's in to religion and homeschooling.

And in other blog news...A pal of mine from law school, Miss Amanda, has started her own blog. Check it out! She's hysterical!

It's Over

Just Friends:

Hollywood glamour couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have split, his publicist confirmed Friday.

Jazz Hands

This pic brings me back to my show choir days. JAZZ HANDS!!!

The real caption reads: Britney Spears shares the thrill of the sale as she shops in a Malibu men's store on Wednesday. Besides goofing for the cameras, the popster also was caught lounging in the dressing room and leafing through a Playboy magazine.

--I think you all can do better. Caption this one!

Spending Habits

Ever wonder how Kate Spade would spend $14, 500?

Click here to find out.

Gere's an Idiot

Many Palestinian voters, already struggling with the labyrinthine politics of the West Bank and Gaza, say they have never heard of Richard Gere who has been recruited to urge them to vote in elections this weekend.

Well known for his vocal support of Tibet's Dalai Lama and celebrated for his captivating good looks, Gere urged Palestinians in a television commercial broadcast ahead of Sunday's poll in the West Bank and Gaza to get out to vote for a new president to succeed Yasser Arafat, who died in November.

"Hi, I'm Richard Gere and I'm speaking for the entire world. We're with you during this election time. It's really important. Get out and vote," Gere said in the advertisement. He repeated the final phrase in Arabic.

"I don't even know who the candidates are other than Mahmoud Abbas, let alone this Gere," Gaza soap factory worker Manar An Najar told Reuters.

--Seriously. Gere should shut his damn trap. "I'm speaking for the entire world." Are you kidding me? What an ego.

Music Stars Who Think They Can Act

Fans of Oukast's Andre 3000 should look for the hip-hop artist on the big screen soon. He recently signed on to team up with actor Mark Wahlberg for a Paramount Pictures project, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

The two will star in a still-untitled drama about a group of brothers seeking revenge for their mother's death. Production is expected to begin Monday in Toronto. Andre 3000 also appears in the upcoming MGM movie 'Be Cool' and will star in an HBO feature about OutKast.

--Why do I have a feeling that none of these works will win Oscars?

Politics and Hollywood

When the Bush Administration and Hollywood meet:

Homeland Security head Tom Ridge said Thursday that Cat Stevens, aka Yusuf Islam, remains on a U.S. no-fly list, five months after the "Peace Train" singer was denied entry to the U.S. "The reasons we rejected him several months ago still exist in my mind," said Ridge.

Julia Roberts bought 32 acres of New Mexico land from Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, according to People magazine. The new mom apparently needs more room for her twins at her 80-acre spread in Taos.

Celebrity Justice

Pop star Jessica Simpson is suing a California jeweler for illegally using her image in ads.

The singer-turned-reality TV star insists she never gave bosses of Inspired Silver permission to use her image in internet commercials - and was upset when she saw the ads. A spokeswoman for Simpson says, "Ms. Simpson is concerned about the widespread misappropriation of her name and likeness for use in connection with the unauthorized sale of costume jewelry and other merchandise.

Through her attorneys, she is taking steps to remove this unauthorized merchandise from the marketplace. The lawsuit against Inspired Silver is part of an ongoing process in this regard."

--IP law at its finest. Reminds me of the Johnny Carson "Here's Johnny" Toilet case we read in law school. For a good background on this area of law, click here.

Because People Are Dumb

The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal hygiene."

That admonition was the winner of an anti-lawsuit group's contest for the wackiest consumer warning label of the year. The sponsor, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, says the goal is "to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products."

The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used." A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

--I personally think third place is the best one.
--Thanks for the tip, EJ. :)

Quote Me

Check out the The 25 Funniest Political Quotes of 2004.

My fave: "I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?" —Sen. John McCain

Never Too Young

A four-year-old has beaten Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue to the top of the German pop charts.

Joy Gruttmann's "Snappy the Little Crocodile" was released as a single after it was posted on a website by her family. The joke nursery song, with it's chorus: "Schni schna schnappi schnappi schnappi schnapp", was picked up by a local radio station in Cologne.

Joy is the youngest recording artist in German history to make it to the Top 10.

--Boy, that chorus sounds fabulous. I can't really make fun though--we Americans did catpult those Hanson morons to the top of the charts with "Mmmmbop."

K. Feddy?

It looks like newlywed Britney Spears Federline - who abruptly parted ways with longtime manager Larry Rudolph three months ago - has finally found a replacement. Rumor has it that it's Rudolph's one-time right-hand man, Dan Dymtrow.

The 29-year-old Dymtrow, who's said to be close to Britney's older brother, Bryan, had apprenticed under Rudolph at his management company, ReignDeer Entertainment, until last October.

And what plans does Brit have in store for her new manager?

Word is that the 23-year-old Britney is eager to remake her second husband, former backup dancer husband Kevin Federline, into a hip-hop star.

"Brit wants him to come out as a rapper - she says he can flow," laughed the spy.

--This just gets funnier every minute. I'm in pain from laughter. Maybe he'll go by K. Feddy.

PSA

Public Service Announcement from MP&S:

The consumers group best known for rating cars and washing machines has turned its testing prowess to condoms to find out which ones measure up best and how other birth control methods compare.

The nonprofit Consumers Union says in a new guide to contraception that the seven top U.S. types of condom they studied did not burst despite vigorous testing, and all models met international standards.

But results showed that the top brand, able to take the most punishment, was the Durex Extra Sensitive Lubricated Latex, according to the report. Other top-performers include the Durex Performax Lubricated, Lifestyles Classic Collection Ultra Sensitive Lubricated and TheyFit Lubricated.

And here's the kicker:

A melon-colored model distributed by Planned Parenthood performed the worst, bursting during a test in which the latex condoms were filled with air.

--Way to go, Planned Parenthood.

Ice Queen

Maturity at its finest:

Actress Cameron Diaz is said to have pelted a model with ice in a spat over boyfriend Justin Timberlake.

The Charlie's Angels beauty and pop star Justin were at a Manhattan restaurant on a table next to underwear model Deanna Miller, 20. Insiders say Cameron, 32, was fuming after hearing Deanna had "frolicked" with Justin, 23, at a magazine photoshoot in the Bahamas.

One source said: "Throughout the entire dinner, Cameron was pelting Deanna in the back of the head with ice chips."

Hung to Hit the Big Screen

Critics have described his singing as less than kind, but "American Idol" reject William Hung says he wants to play only good-guys in his fledgling acting career.

In Singapore to promote his first film, the action-comedy "Where is Mama's Boy?," the Hong Kong-born Hung ruled out any nasty roles.

"I would like to preserve a good image and not play the bad guy or do anything that's obscene," Hung was quoted by The Straits Times newspaper as telling a news conference.

--Dude. I'm sure your acting is obscene enough.

Hottest Ticket in Town

As if Dior wasn't exclusive enough:

John Galliano has cut the guest list for the upcoming Christian Dior couture show by more than half.

According to Dior, the decision to reduce the number of what is already one of fashion's most coveted invitations has nothing to do with a desire to increase its level of exclusivity and more to do with the fact that Galliano has opted for a new show configuration and decor, which leave space for only about 500 guests. In the past, up to 1,200 fashionistas have made the grade - in other words, this season's tickets are hotter than ever.

Casting News

Natalie Portman set to star in the Wachowski brothers' upcoming film, V Is for Vendetta. The film is expected to be released in fall 2005.

Alyson Hannigan set to join Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ed O'Neil in the upcoming ABC comedy series In the Game, per the Hollywood Reporter.

The Importance of Fries

A Pennsylvanian man allegedly tried to run over restaurant workers after they told him they had run out of fries.

It happened after the 22-year-old, of DuBois in Clearfield County, and a couple of friends asked for fries at a drive-in Burger King in Sandy.

According to the Courier-Express in DuBois, the man made an obscene gesture and repeatedly cursed at staff after learning they had run out.

He then noticed a couple of restaurant workers taking down his number plate registration and allegedly drove his truck at them, nearly hitting one employee.

Sexy Gramps and Grannys

Indiana Jones heartthrob Harrison Ford has been voted Hollywood's sexiest grandparent.

The 62-year-old dad of four and grandad of one was described as "healthy, hip and having fun" in a poll by Grand magazine. Twice divorced Ford is currently dating Ally McBeal TV star Calista Flockhart, 40.

Others in the list of top ten hottest grandparents are Paul McCartney, 62, Goldie Hawn, 59, Pierce Brosnan, 51, Mick Jagger, 61, singer Naomi Judd, 58, Priscilla Presley, 59, rocker Steven Tyler, 56, Tina Turner, 65, and Sally Field, 58.

--Oooh, I'm not sure who I think is sexier, Harrison or Pierce. They BOTH deserve to win.

Brit's Career Options

Britney Spears says, "When I grow up, I want to be..."

A Director:
She says, "I made a cute video for 'Do Something.' We shot the entire thing in a record-breaking five hours. I even came up with all the choreography and styled the entire shoot myself. I've been working on writing and hopefully directing a musical that makes fun of Hollywood. I already devote much of my spare time to writing scripts for musicals, so this was the next step."

And maybe a forensic scientist.
Brit has allegedly told friends she is considering swapping her singing career for student life and enrolling at university to study for a degree after being motivated by a TV series.

A source told Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper: "It sounds ridiculous but she's been inspired by TV's CSI, which shows scientists solving crimes. Insiders have revealed that the 23-year-old star, who launched her music career at 16, has even consulted 'Star Wars' beauty Natalie Portman - who graduated from prestigious Harvard University two years ago after studying psychology - about her plans to return to education.

--Didn't she want to also be a stay-at-home mom about 5 minutes ago?

Cry Me A River

Winona Ryder is furious she's still being discriminated against for her shoplifting criminal record, despite serving 480 hours of community service.

The star was arrested in 2001 for stealing designer clothes worth more than $7,600 from New York department store, Saks Fifth Avenue. But she recently discovered the public still regards her as a felon, when she was banned from signing a letter encouraging President George W. Bush to sign the environmentally-friendly Kyoto agreement, because of her criminal record.

She fumes, "I was all ready to sign, then this girl said, 'Hey, hold on, aren't you a convicted felon?' I said, 'Yes, so what?' and she told me I'm not eligible to sign official Senate petitions because of my criminal record, which was pretty embarrassing."

--Um, you should have thought of that before you got your sticky paws on those clothes.

Halle Digs Her Kitty

Halle Berry has taken her devotion to her cat to new heights. The Oscar winner knows no limit when it comes to her orange tabby, Play-doh, whom she adopted after they appeared together in "Catwoman."

The Revlon spokesbabe was spotted at Whole Foods in Beverly Hills buying $70 worth of boquerones, small white anchovies imported from Spain. In Touch Weekly reports that Berry's cat goes crazy for the salty little treats.

--Hey, she repeatedly gets crapped on by men, so she mine as well spoil her cat, right?

Wasted!

And you thought YOU were drunk on New Year's Eve:

Incredulous doctors made five blood tests on a drunken man to confirm he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.914, far above the usual life-threatening range, police and doctors said Tuesday.

The 67-year old man, whose name was not released, was hospitalized Dec. 20, when a car knocked him down on a street in the southern Bulgarian city of Plovdiv.

She's Classy

She can't sing, but she can belch, folks!

Ashlee Simpson says she can burp the alphabet.

She says she loves showing off her special talent. She said: "When I burp the alphabet, my favorite letter is G. It is an open consonant and it is at the beginning when my wind is strong."

"My worst letter is S. It is a closed consonant and at the end when I am out of wind." The 19-year-old star also admitted that older sister Jessica also shares the same talent.

She told America's New York Post newspaper: "Jessica burps the alphabet better than me. She has better wind and she is a much louder belcher."

Roll With It

A roll of toilet paper the Beatles refused to use is up for auction. The toilet roll has a starting price of £40,000 on eBay.

The Beatles reportedly neglected the toilet roll during sessions at London studio Abbey Road because it was "too hard and shiny" and were disgusted that each sheet had 'EMI LTD' stamped on it.

The toilet paper has been kept in a glass box and is being sold on eBay after initially being auctioned at an Abbey Road sale in October 1980.

Hot and Not

What's hot and what's not for 2005 (according to British Vogue)

WHAT'S OUT <> WHAT'S IN

Sex And The City <> The OC
Tweed <> Arts & Crafts designs
Twenties <> Seventies
Romantic <> Bohemian
Satin <> Crochet
Shoppers <> Satchels
Flip-flops <> Wedges
Vintage jewellery <> Tribal beads
Butterflies <> Birds
Cutaway swimsuits <> Bikinis
Margaret Thatcher chic <> Floaty femininity
Ponchos <> Shrugs
Mulberry Roxanne bag <> Chloe Paddington bag
Burberry house check <> Burberry Prorsum
Flash cash <> Chip & PIN
Brazil <> Las Vegas
Board Style <> Vintage Hawaiian
Western <> Hornblower naval style
Real rock <> Opera
Cowboy <> Riviera
Rugby <> Golf
Yoga <> Ballroom dancing
Harry Potter <> Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Small World After All

Now that Stamos is a single man, this picture moderately creeps me out:
http://hosted.ap.org/photos/N/NY11601040646-small.jpg">

Lawren's Literary Corner

I'm going to save you all the trouble of buying and reading Amber Frey's new book. I haven't read it (nor will I), but from the interviews I've seen about it so far, here's Cliff Note:

I'm a hobag who is cashing in on a tragedy. The End.

I feel for her in that she was totally snowed by Peterson. But newsflash, dear Amber, you were NOT the victim here. So, stop acting like it.

And in other book news...NBA star Charles Barkley is letting his pen do the talking.

The former All-Star forward, who's known for his outrageous off-the-cuff declarations, has a book due in May titled, "Why Do White People Hate Me?"

The folks at Penguin have yet to see Barkley's manuscript, but state that he's trying to get to the bottom of the Caucasian conspiracy against him by interviewing the likes of Maya Angelou, Magic Johnson, Barack Obama, Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton.

Baby on the Brain

Looks like Marc Anthony better get ready for #4:

Jennifer Lopez, 34, who's in the process of relaunching her singing career, said: "I sooo want to be pregnant. I'm ready, I'm waiting and I want it to happen as soon as it possibly can." Her hubby already has three kids from previous relationships.

"I know it would be the best thing in the world right now," says the star. "I'm so happy and I just know it's the right time. You just know when you're ready, don't you?"

--Why don't you try out the marriage thing for a bit, Jen Jen?

Misused Quotes

Check out the Gallery of Misused Quotation Marks.

My favorite: Sign outside a gas station/mini-mart in Bloomington, IN:

"MILK"
$1.99

Motley F-Bomb

NBC hasn't received any calls about the F-word that Motley Crue rocker Vince Neil dropped during the live New Year's Eve broadcast of "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

"Happy f---ing New Year, Tommy!" Neil said to bandmate Tommy Lee shortly after midnight Friday.

The remark was carried to viewers on the East Coast but was edited out before it was broadcast in the West, according to the entertainment trade paper Variety, which reported the incident on its Web site Monday night.

Depp and Lohan Top Superstar Lists

Johnny Depp topped IMDB.com's 2004 STARmeter while Lindsay Lohan placed a strong second in the rankings, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The movie resource and database website also had Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley and Angelina Jolie rounding out the Top 5 as it unveiled its top 25 movie stars.

The rankings are determined by the site's STARmeter, available since 2001 through its subscription service, which ranks celebrities' popularity among IMDB.com's more than 22 million monthly visitors. The listings are an aggregate of search and page-view patterns of the Web site, reflected in weekly rankings. The list is the compilation of the year's data.

According to IMDB managing editor Keith Simanton, Depp and Lohan were in a heat for the top spot, with Depp popular in the first half of the year, no doubt because of the success of "The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl," while Lohan was tops in the second half.

"Ellen" Breaks a Record

"The Ellen DeGeneres Show" is up 50 percent from last year, according to Nielsen TV ratings data.

The impressive ratings jump, from one year to the next, represents the biggest among all syndicated shows, reports The Hollywood Reporter. Adding to the victory, "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" also recently scored its highest household rating ever, a 2.4, for the week ending December 19. DeGeneres' show first debuted on September 8, 2003.

--I caught a couple of episodes of this show over the holidays--man, it's really funny! No wonder people are loving it.

Another Round of Beetlejuice?

Movie star Michael Keaton is desperate to bring the dead back to life in a sequel to his hit 1988 comedy Beetlejuice.

The Batman star loved playing the mischievous ghoul opposite Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis and wants to make a follow-up to Tim Burton's cult classic. He says, "That is a movie I would like to do again. I would really like to make another Beetlejuice because it's totally 100 per cent original, with such talented people involved.

--Not sure what I think about this one. Could be the fact that Keaton hasn't done a hit movie in awhile that he thinks this is a good idea.

No to "J.Lo"

No more J.Lo:

Jennifer Lopez is so sick of her "J.Lo" stage name, she nearly titled her upcoming album Call Me Jennifer.

The singer - who ultimately settled on Rebirth as the moniker for her new disc - is desperate to ditch her J.Lo tag so she can propel the true Jennifer into the spotlight, and bury the reputation attached to her alter-ego. She says, "I'm not J.Lo, she's not a real person. She was just a bit of fun that got really crazy. I've never been anyone but Jennifer. I was going to call the album Call Me Jennifer because that would be my way of saying goodbye to the whole J.Lo thing. But Rebirth is perfect because it means so much more."

--Wow. That's so deep.

Live Aid 2

Bosses of a major British stadium are calling on bands like U2, Coldplay and The Darkness to help raise millions for the victims of the Asian tsunami - by performing at a Live Aid-style extravaganza.

Chiefs at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales, are frantically trying to gain the support of their country's politicians in their quest to stage a fundraising concert for the men, women and children left homeless, starving and at risk from disease in the aftermath of the December 26 disaster. Organizers are hoping an "event of international proportions" will take place on January 22 - before the stadium is used for sporting events - but bosses appreciate they are working against an almost impossible deadline.

Sergeant insists talks are currently in place with a host of "A-list acts", reportedly including Bono and U2, Coldplay, The Darkness and Franz Ferdinand.

Car Scents

I think these are so cute: It's a sachet for your car filled with soothing lavender aromatherapy.

Clothes Hoarder

Britney Spears's husband Kevin Federline is so fed-up with his wife hoarding clothes - he's reportedly banned her from shopping until she clears out her wardrobe.

The superstar's spouse doesn't mind what she does with the unwanted outfits, as long as she makes space for her future purchases. A source says, "He's told her that he doesn't mind if she dumps them, sells them or gives them away, he's just desperate for her to stop hoarding and buying more."

--Maybe if Kevin got a job and contributed a bit more he might have more of a say in her spending habits.

Now That's a Nugget!

Carmelo Anthony finally has some good news about his personal life: He's engaged to MTV veejay La La Vasquez.

The Denver Nuggets star said Thursday he made his proposal, accompanied by a nine-carat ring, on Christmas Day. They haven't set a wedding date.

Another Year-End List

One of the more interesting year-end lists: MovieMistakes.com has named and shamed its 15 favorite continuity errors of 2004.

For example, in "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," the room containing the Monster Book of Monsters changes proportions to accommodate the action.

Other moments making the list include a sandwich with multiplying crusts in "Kill Bill-Vol. 2," a flexible shovel in "Secret Window," a self-healing car in "The Bourne Supremacy" and a sun that rises in the west during "Troy."