Rockin', Trespassin', and Suckin'

--As he did last year, Dick Clark will co-host the annual New Year's Rockin' Eve. The former American Bandstand host, now 76, will join Ryan Seacrest and musical guest Christina Aguilera to ring in 2007 before a national TV audience of millions. Clark missed the show two years ago when he suffered a stroke but returned to the holiday staple last New Year's Eve. Seacrest, the 31-year-old host of American Idol, handled co-hosting duties last year and is expected to eventually succeed Clark as the show's host. Clark originated the New Year's Eve program back in 1972. The only show he missed followed his Dec. 6, 2004, stroke.

--Powers Boothe has been elected vice president on Fox's "24." In the recurring role, he will play Noah Daniels, the No. 2 to new U.S. President Wayne Palmer (D.B. Woodside). Powers, who co-starred on HBO's "Deadwood," recently wrapped the indie "The Final Season" opposite Sean Astin.

--Reps for Brad Pitt are seeking trespassing charges against E! Networks after a producer and cameraman allegedly walked onto the actor's property in the Hollywood Hills last week. "Yes, we have filed trespassing charges against E! and are exploring our legal options against both the crew that actually trespassed and the network itself," his rep said.

--Mariah Carey's manager has fired back at reports the final date on the pop superstar's Adventures of Mimi tour was scrapped due to her diva demands and poor ticket sales. Concert Asia promoters posted a message on their website earlier last week, blaming Carey's backstage demands and a lack of interest on the cancellation of the Hong Kong show, which was scheduled for tomorrow. But her manager Benny Medina has hit back in an interview with Associated Press, stating his client didn't behave like a diva and made no wild demands. Medina, who formerly managed Jennifer Lopez, blamed the cancellation on the tour promoter's failure to pay Carey money that was due to her.

--Commuters at Grand Central train station gaped Sunday at a 1,502-pound pumpkin on display, the world's heaviest, according to organizers at the Manhattan transit hub. The pumpkin was on display as part of Halloween charity, and smaller pumpkins were sold to the public for $5 or $10 each, with proceeds going to the Food Bank For New York City, which feeds the hungry, said Karen Weber, a spokeswoman for Grand Central Terminal. (Shoot--I was there on Friday. It must not have been up yet.)

--Michael Jackson is planning to get married to his children's nanny. The singer recently settled the custody battle with his ex-wife, and mother of his two eldest children, Debbie Rowe, and is now free to get on with wedding plans, according to Britain's Daily Star newspaper. Jackson, 48, is currently living in Ireland with 39-year-old nanny Grace Rwaramba who his children reportedly call "mom".

--A copyright case concerning 50 Cent's 'In Da Club' has been dismissed by a judge. 2 Live Crew's Luther Campbell claimed that the rapper stole the opening line of 'In Da Club' from Campbell's song 'It's Your Birthday'. However, on Friday Judge Paul Huck ruled that the line of Campbell's song ("Go Shelia, it's your birthday") was a "common, unoriginal and non-copyrightable element of the song" which was not entitled to protection.

--Clay Aiken is about to enter a world of back-stabbing, scandal and diva fits — and no, it’s not backstage at “American Idol.” He’s taping an appearance on NBC’s “Days of our Lives.” The 27-year-old Aiken will perform two songs, one from his new album “A Thousand Different Ways,” and “O Holy Night” from his 2004 CD “Merry Christmas with Love,” the soap opera’s spokeswoman, Kellie Kulikowsky, told The Associated Press. He’ll take the stage for a private concert for Steve (Stephen Nichols) and Kayla (Mary Beth Evans) at the club Dune in the town of Salem. The episode is scheduled to air Dec. 22. (They couldn't find anyone better to croon to Patch and Kayla? Ugh...)

--Rumor has it that Seventeen magazine wouldn't put Paris Hilton on their December cover unless she agreed to appear in a full-page public service ad against drunken driving.

--Bill Cosby continues to spark controversy...

-- Devon Aoki can do no wrong in the eyes of her dad, Benihana founder Rocky Aoki - even when it comes to guys. New York magazine reports that when Devon started dating 30-something Lenny Kravitz around her 18th birthday, "I say to her, 'No problem,' " Aoki said. "She says, 'He's half-black, half-Jewish.' I say, 'That's OK. That's America! I can't get away from the blacks and the Jews!' " The mag also credits Page Six for noting that Devon was "hotter than a Benihana grill."

--Shockingly enough, no one in New York wants to hear Kevin Federline rap. Our spies at Webster Hall say that so few $20 tickets have been sold for Federline's Nov. 4 show that "we may just cancel it. New Yorkers are clearly not fans of 'Popozao' [Federline's pathetic first single]." Britney Spears' hubby - who claims he is the most underrated person in Hollywood - should be used to rejection by now. His Cleveland show was also canceled due to lack of interest.

--Sources say that Nicole Richie passed out at Hyde nightclub early Sunday morning in Hollywood. It occurred just before 2 a.m., when Richie passed out and fell to the floor. An employee approached Richie and her friends and said he was calling 911. Sources say they told the employee not to make the call and that they would take Richie to a hospital. The friends then carried Richie out of the club through the back door.

Have a Good Weekend! (And Watch Out for Naomi!)

--Nicole Richie is seeking treatment for what her rep describes as an inability to put on weight. "Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight," her rep said. "She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder."

-- Beloved movie legend James Stewart and jazz and blues great Ella Fitzgerald are to join Marvel comic book characters like Superman and The Incredible Hulk on US stamps in 2007. It's A Wonderful Life star Stewart will be honored on the 13th Legends of Hollywood stamp, while Fitzgerald is next year's honoree in the Black Heritage series. Joining the two stars and the comic book characters on official stamps will be poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Disney characters Dumbo, Peter Pan and Aladdin.

--Model Naomi Campbell returned to a police station Thursday after allegedly being involved in an altercation with a woman the day before, reports said. British TV network Sky News and The Sun of London reported that Campbell attacked her "drug counselor" on Wednesday. The woman showed signs of being "scratched all over the face," The Sun said. (What the hell is wrong with her?)

--Rapper The Game found his long-lost sister via Myspace.

--Brad Pitt found an interesting way - make that walk - to blow off steam and bring some levity to the set of his new movie, "Babel." In an interview, the 42-year-old actor says he amused himself and his colleagues by yanking up his pants to give himself a wedgie, sticking out his rear and waddling about like a duck. "Throughout the movie, I'd walk around like this," he says. "You've gotta find things to make you laugh during the shoot," he adds. "Cate (Blanchett) called it the Hungry Bum." He explains: "When your bum's so hungry it's trying to eat your pants." (I bet he thrives to opportunities to joke around. Something tells me Angelina isn't much of a jokester.)

--"If I hang out with a British person for an hour or so, I start talking just like them. I can pick up accents pretty well."--Lindsay "I'm so talented" Lohan

--The drunken steroid-induced Rage machine known as Danny Bonaduce crashed on to the set of 'The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson' today to pimp his guest-starring role on 'CSI' and the second season of 'Breaking Bonaduce.'

--Singer/actress Ashlee Simpson is the new international face of footwear firm Skechers. The 22-year-old is currently starring in Chicago on the London stage and enjoys wearing the casual shoes when she finishes performing. She says, "My feet really take a pounding every time I perform in the show so it's a relief to get into my comfortable sneakers at the end of the night." "I grew up wearing Skechers and hope to add a few more pairs to my wardrobe."

--"I used to be embarrassed to go to the store and buy tampons, but that's all past tense. Once you make it through that, you're good." --Kevin Federline (What a guy. Rapper, tampon buyer, baby maker...where can I find me a fine man like that?)

--Katie Couric wasn't worth the investment.

--Keith Olbermann is very close to his day of reckoning for a one-night stand. The 30-something Cuban lass who says the MSNBC loudmouth courted her, bedded her, then told her to get lost, says she's about to release the 100 or so more e- mails she claims he sent her before their night of unsatisfying sex in a Manhattan hotel. The woman, who calls herself KarmaBites and launched a blog to warn others about his boorish bedroom habits, says of the outspoken Olbermann's refusal to say a single word about her story: "Do you actually believe KO wouldn't deny my story publicly if it weren't true?" And she believes Olbermann is getting heat from his new girlfriend, Katy Tur. "Methinks he's feeling the pressure of the new squeeze to deny this publicly, but sadly for him he can't," KarmaBites says. "I guess my only alternative is to publish the e-mails . . . I'm tempted to re lease the e-mails just to see what excuses they come up with." She also says the more criticism she gets from Olbermann's fans, "the closer I get to going full-throttle and publishing all of the dirt. You're KO's worst enemy. I hope you can live with it."

--For the love of God, Kate, cut that boy's hair!

You Say Hasselbeck, I Say Hassenbeck

--Elvis got replaced by Kurt Cobain as the top earner on Forbes' sixth annual Top-Earning Dead Celebrities list. (Perhaps our resident name, use, and likeness expert, Iceman, will weigh in...)

--Angela Lansbury will return to Broadway after 23 years away from the New York stage when she stars in the new Terrence McNally play Deuce next year. Co-starring with Mona Lisa Smile star Marian Seldes, Lansbury will appear in the first Broadway show since completing her Tony Award winning leading role in Mame in 1984. (Get excited, Dad...)

--Smashing Pumpkins are working on a comeback album.

--Idol face or "O-face?" You decide.

-- "Brown Bunny" director Vincent Gallo, 45, has a new friend - Los Angeles "It" Girl Cory Kennedy, 16. Kennedy, who blogs about her nightlife exploits and dalliances with celebrities despite being underage, has called Gallo a "keeper" on her blog and posts pictures of them together. Asked to comment, Gallo - who stressed there is no sexual relationship between the two - told Page Six: "With the psychotic, middle-aged Madonna out there on the loose buying up all the stolen Negro babies in Africa, I felt it my social and humanitarian duty to take in any young, beautiful and sexy orphaned Jew teens running wild in Beverly Hills. Cory's a great kid, and I'm proud to be her daddy."

--MTV and "Entertainment Tonight" pseudo journalist (an perpetual Maxim covergirl) Vanessa Minnillo has booked a supporting role in the upcoming sequel "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer." According to Variety, Minnillo will play a love interest for Chris Evans' Johnny Storm/Human Torch.

--Stephen King pens a love story? Ok, so there's blood and murder in it, too, but still...

--The View cohost Elisabeth Hasselbeck is fuming mad over an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit in which a character, whose name is very close to her own, is raped and killed, she said on Tuesday. "Last week Law & Order: SVU had an episode where a 30-year-old woman in New York City is raped twice and then murdered – and her name is Elizabeth Hassenback," Hasselbeck, 29, said on The View. "I found this a little disturbing."

--No love between Kelly Ripa and Katie Couric? (I'm not sure which one I find more annoying...)

--George Clooney is the No. 1 man's man, according to a list compiled by AskMen.com. The Oscar winner tops the Web site's list of what it calls the 49 best representatives of the male gender. Rap mogul Jay-Z, adventurer-entrepreneur Richard Branson, cyclist Lance Armstrong and designer Tom Ford make up the rest of the top five, in order. The list was culled from nominations submitted by readers of the online magazine, who were asked to name the top "ambassadors of male-kind." Voters were asked to look for traits such as integrity, charisma and intelligence. Bill Clinton ranked 10th and Tiger Woods 13th. Travel-show host Anthony Bourdain was 19th on the list. Rocker Bono was 27th, Apple co-founder Steve Jobs was 29th and director Martin Scorsese was 46th. "Entourage" star Jeremy Piven ranked 49th.

--After a year and a half of anticipation, on October 20, friends and family of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise finally got what they have been waiting for: a wedding invitation. Guests were notified late in the day to be free the weekend of November 16-19. The couple's rep, Arnold Robinson, confirms the wedding will take place November 18 in Italy--"All those details are correct," he says--and says "proper security measures are being taken" to keep the vows private. Italian designer Giorgio Armani has confirmed that he will create Holmes' wedding dress. "When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart," Armani, who will also whip up Cruise's wedding wear. "It really is an honor to play a small role in that milestone moment."

Where For Art Thou, KFed?

--Anna Nicole Smith's half-sister, Donna Hogan, has decided to up and write a book, "Train Wreck: Anna Nicole Smith Unauthorized." From The New York Daily News: In her forthcoming book with Stacy Brown, "Train Wreck: Anna Nicole Smith Unauthorized," Hogan holds Smith responsible for the death of Smith's 20-year-old son, whom she buried last week in the Bahamas. Hogan charges that Anna neglected Daniel, knew about the drugs he was taking and didn't do anything. "[Anna] waits forever to bury him and two days after he dies, she's selling pictures of him to the tabloids and I'm thinking, 'What a freaking waste of a human being, my sister is.'" Hogan believes that for Smith, her son's death is another television opportunity.

--Nina Garcia, Elle fashion director and Project Runway judge, can now add mother-to-be to her formidable résumé. The Colombian native and her husband, David Conrod, a senior managing director at Guggenheim Capital LLC, are happily expecting their first child next March.

--Actor and model Reichen Lehmkuhl, who won season four of The Amazing Race and dates Lance Bass, was sexually assaulted while in the U.S. Air Force, he says. "A bag was put over my head," he says. "I was stripped of my clothes. I was forced to do things sexually with two other male cadets."

--Angie faints 3 times on set...Brad rushes to her side. (Is she just really getting into the role of Marianne Pearl, or is she knocked up again?)

--The underemployed D-list celebs are already trying to get themselves a gig for New Year's Eve. Word on the street is Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra are trying to line up gigs to host celebrations in Miami, New York or Los Angeles - for a pricey sum. Hilton wants $100,000 plus expenses and a private jet for her to host a party, while Electra is cheap - a mere $50,000 and expenses.

--Kevin Federline is to make his movie debut starring in a Shakespearian street hip hop movie. Kev will appear in Caught On Tape written and directed by Sticky Fingaz. Ray actor Bokeem Woodbine, Cedric the Entertainer, and Vivica A. Fox star alongside K-Fed. (Oh. My. God.)

--Diddy continues to prove he's a giant asshole.

--Brandy has found love with Project Runway finalist Michael Knight. The singer met Knight, who is an aspiring fashion designer, while she was promoting her reality series in his hometown of Atlanta, Georgia. The couple hit it off after being introduced by an industry acquaintance. The Los Angeles-based singer even flew to New York City and sat in the front row at Knight's recent New York Fashion Week show. A source close to the singer says, "He's the perfect gentleman and has really won her affection."

--Prosecutors are considering charges against Snoop Dogg after authorities discovered a 21-inch collapsible baton in his bags as he boarded a New York-bound flight, authorities said Monday. The rapper, whose real name is Calvin Broadus, had the baton in his laptop case as he went through a security checkpoint at John Wayne International Airport on Sept. 27, sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino said. Snoop Dogg, 35, told sheriff's deputies that the baton was a prop for a movie he was filming in New York, Amormino said.

--Whether you agreed or disagreed with the outcome of last week's Project Runway, everyone's been buzzing about the show and its designers. Now, here's your chance to buy that piece you were in love with on the runway: Every look from all four finalists' shows at Bryant Park is for sale through the end of the day! Bid on one of the looks from Jeffrey's winning punk collection, Laura's elegant eveningwear, Uli's tropical-chic dresses, or Michael's urban safari-wear. If the auction prices are running a little steep for you, consider a t-shirt by Season Three's Designers or the Tim Gunn bobblehead. Click here to take a look. (I don't know about the rest of you, but Laura's collection was my favorite).

--British super couple Kate Moss and her boyfriend, Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty, are reportedly expecting and engaged, the Daily Mail reports. (Note the ring...)

--A Britney baby controversy is brewing, and it has to do with the sex and name of the pop star’s latest offspring. According to The Daily News, some diehard fans suspect the baby’s name isn’t Sutton Pierce Federline since Britney never confirmed it. Instead, they think the baby’s name is actually Jayden James. Throw that in with X17’s argument that Britney gave birth to a baby girl instead of a boy, and we have a full fledged conspiracy theory on our hands. (Jayden sounds a lot more like the spawn of KFed).

Orange Juice, Bud Select, and Milk

--Cyclist Lance Armstrong and actor Matthew McConaughey have spoken out about their brotherly bond, telling Details magazine they are definitely not gay. (Why do stars feel the need to even comment on that?)

--NBC Universal said Thursday it would cut 700 jobs and streamline its news operations as part an overhaul aimed at exploiting new forms of electronic distribution.

--Sofia Coppola is seven months pregnant with her first child – a daughter, she has revealed.

--According to MSNBC, football legend OJ Simpson has reportedly been paid $3.5 million dollars to a write a book called If I Did It, described as a “hypothetical” confession of the crimes he “hypothetically” could have committed, including disturbingly accurate “hypothetical” descriptions of the non-hypothetical murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her boyfriend Ron Goldman. (WTF? I'll tell you what's hypothetical...his conscience.)

--What Jay-Z once did for Cristal, he's now looking to do for Budweiser Select. Anheuser-Busch has hired the shill-friendly rap icon as the new co-brand director of its beer line, a position which will not only ensure that the musician's marketing prowess will take center stage at development meetings, but might even merit a name check or two in the newly unretired rapper's lyrics. "Collaborating with Jay-Z presents an opportunity to work with one of the world's great entrepreneurs and draws upon his expertise with pop culture, music and business," Marlene Coulis, Anheuser-Busch's vice president of brand management, said in a statement. "His approach to reaching people in creative, groundbreaking ways that transcend cultural boundaries makes this alliance particularly exciting." (This helps make sense of why the hell Dale Jr. is in his new video).

--Sharon Osbourne says she plans to remove a gastric band that helped her lose 125 pounds and instead rely on psychotherapy to cope with her weight issues. "I have to figure out why I do what I do to myself," the 54-year-old wife/manager of rocker Ozzy Osbourne says in an interview in People magazine's Oct. 30 issue. "I think I have some sort of self-destruction button."

-- To the relief of beleaguered NBC, Madonna has agreed to cut the controversial crucifixion scene from her upcoming network concert special. The Material Girl - who's been getting crucified by the press over her fast-track adoption of a child from Africa - agreed to drop a scene from her special in which she sings "Live to Tell" while hanging from a huge, mirrored "disco cross" and wearing a crown of thorns. (Loosen up, NBC. Nothing says party like a disco cross!) ;)

--If you love The Office, click here. Lots of good info, background, extras, etc.

--Elisabeth Hasselbeck just can't get a break. Not only is she continually butting heads on "The View" with Rosie O'Donnell, but there's now a contest to guess when she'll leave the show. "We've all had experiences that have turned disastrous," says Rick Ellis of allyourtv.com. "You're working away, enjoying your life . . . Then, suddenly, you get a new co-worker and it all turns into a relentlessly painful horror . . . While O'Donnell might be doing wonders for the ratings, she's not doing much for young Hasselbeck's blood pressure." Ellis' Web site is offering prizes to whoever guesses the closest date to when Hasselbeck quits.

--Brody Jenner and The Hills star Lauren "L.C." Conrad are "seeing each other," Jenner said. "I don't know what you consider dating, but we're seeing each other, we're having a great time with it," Jenner said. "She's an amazing girl. That's all there is to say. She's fun to be around. She's sweet. She's kind. There's nothing bad to say about her." (Anyone is better than that loser Jason she was dating...)

--Tori shows off her milk bar:

It's a Twinkie-less World After All

--Nicky Hilton and Entourage star Kevin Connolly are no longer a couple.

--Britney Spears is set to follow in her idol Madonna's footsteps and adopt an African child, it has been reported. The 'Toxic' singer - who has two sons, Sean Preston and Sutton Pierce, with husband Kevin Federline - has been inspired by Madonna's recent trip to Malawi to adopt a 13-month-old African boy, called David Banda. Britney is now looking into the possibility of welcoming a disadvantaged child into her own family. A source said: "Britney has always been inspired by Madonna - both musically and by the way she lives her life and conducts herself. "She really admires what Madonna is doing at the moment and adopting is something which she could see herself doing one day. She wants to have a large family."

--This is one "bad guy" role that Wesley Snipes doesn't want. In a federal indictment unsealed Tuesday, prosecutors hit Snipes, the prolific actor and movie producer, with eight counts of tax fraud. According to the indictment, Snipes allegedly not only avoided paying millions in income taxes from 1999 through 2004, but he fraudulently tried to get an $11 million refund for taxes paid in the 1990s. (As of this morning, they can't find him to arrest him...)

--Disney bans junk food at its theme parks. (Boo...ban the bad parents who let their kids eat too much, not the junk food. Visiting Disney World was about getting to do all the fun stuff you can't do at home--including eating junk food and exotic things you don't get at home. Aside from lots of cotton candy, I recall having my first escargot in "France" at Epcot).

--Mary-Kate Olsen has found love again. The 20-year-old mogul has been single for about a year — ever since Paris Hilton swiped her last sweetie, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos — but for about a month, Olsen has been quietly dating oil heir Maxwell Snow, according to Star magazine. Snow, who hails from Texas’ de Menil oil family, also happens to be Uma Thurman’s nephew — the son of her older half-sister, Taya Thurman.

--Australian actress Naomi Watts has reportedly been offered the lead role in the remake of Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 horror classic The Birds. Armageddon director Michael Bay's company will produce the new version of the film. She would play the role of Melanie Daniels, which was played by Tippi Hedren, in the original, according to moviehole.net. The script is being re-worked by Leslie Dixon, who updated The Thomas Crown Affair for Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo in 1999. The movie features a wealthy San Francisco socialite who follows a potential boyfriend to a small Northern California town where birds suddenly begin to launch vicious attacks on people. (Anyone who knows me well knows this infuriates me. Leave the classics ALONE--especially the Alfred Hitchcock masterpieces. He was a genius, and you can't re-create that. As if the Psycho remake wasn't bad enough! Alfie is rolling over in his grave...)

--Mike Tyson said fans should not expect much of a fight when he steps back into the ring. But the 40-year-old former heavyweight champ promised an entertaining show Friday night when he launches the "Mike Tyson's World Tour" in Youngstown. At a news conference at an Italian restaurant, Tyson said he would likely go just four rounds and that future stops on the tour might include bouts with women, possibly professional boxer Ann Wolfe.

--This campaign has already bo(red) me.

--The Rev. Al Sharpton has a new cause. His camp plans to fund a lawsuit on behalf of comic Chris Rock's mother, Rose Rock, against the Southern food chain Cracker Barrel. Mama Rock claims she and her daughter were denied service at the country-style eatery near Myrtle Beach, S.C. Though a spokesperson for Cracker Barrel tells us, "We do not tolerate any form of discrimination," maybe they should have responded to Sharpton sooner. The suit will be announced today during a demonstration outside the eatery. (Um, discrimination of any kind is awful, and if it occurred, I hope the restaurant pays dearly. That aside, anyone else find a small bit of humor/irony in the fact that it's a suit against "Cracker" Barrel?)

--Jack Osbourne has launched a verbal attack on singer Aaron Carter, branding him an "irritating little b*****d". The son of Ozzy Osbourne hit out at Carter's TV show, House of Carters, claiming his attitude to life and his career. "I would gladly kick the s**t out of Aaron Carter," he commented. "He's this skinny little white guy from Florida who acts like a big shot, black hip-hop guy from Compton. There's loads of footage on the show of him screaming his head of at his manager, and I can honestly say that I've never seen such an irritating little b*****d." (Take a number, Jack...)

--Tiger Woods got ambushed by an evangelical guest of Nike on Oct. 9 during an exclusive golf outing for top business and entertainment executives. According to our spy, 30 people - including Clear Channel Radio CEO Mark Mays, Louis Vuitton North America chief Daniel LaLonde and Details magazine editor Daniel Peres - gathered at the Trump golf course in Los Angeles for the 2006 "Tee It Up With Tiger Woods" event, which included a private golf session and lunch with the living legend. "During the lunch, there was a Q&A session with Woods, and most people were asking about their swings or golf questions," our source said. "Until some guy - a guest of Nike - stood up and said, 'Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? And if not, prayfully, would you?' " The source added, "You could have heard a pin drop. People were mortified. But Tiger was as unflappable as he is on the golf course and responded, 'My father was a Christian - of course Christianity was part of my life - but my mother is Asian and Buddhism was also part of my childhood, so I practice both faiths respectfully.' "

--Katie, err, Kate is looking good. Whatever exercise regime Tom has her chained to is working. Can't say I like the cut of the pant though. If they were jeans, they'd be Mom Jeans.

Getting Dumped, Getting Slammed, and Getting Served

--Kevin Federline made his acting debut on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation on Thursday, and on Sunday, he made his debut as a WWE wrestler – sort of. Federline, 28, turned up at L.A.'s Staples Center for the taping of a match due to air on the USA Network's Monday Night Raw on Oct. 16. Introduced as the "A-list friend" of bad guy Johnny Nitro, Federline played the villain as he walked to the ring amid boos from the crowd. "Same people who are booin' me now buy my picture on the cover of magazine," he told the audience. "Y'all want to hear my rap?" When the boos continued, he replied, "Well, you're going to have to wait until my record drops in October." At that point, WWE champion John Cena came out, taunting Federline in classic wrestling smack-talking style with such lines as, "The album is called Playing With Fire? They should call it The Biggest Scumbag on Earth!" and "You're less talented than Paris Hilton!" In response, Federline made a comment about wanting to see Cena's rear end dragged around the ring. Then the 6' 1", 240-lb. Cena pretended to shake Federline's hand before lifting him in the air and dropping him to the mat in a body slam.

--Scarlett Johansson has signed a deal to make her first record, Scarlett Sings Tom Waits. The album is being recorded at the moment and sessions will continue through the winter, with a possible release next spring from Rhino Records' currently re-activated Atco label. According to Fox News, the 21-year-old is recording a whole album of songs by premier singer/songwriter Waits. Sources says the eventual release date will be coordinated to coincide with Johansson's movie schedule.

--The Donald is getting animated.

--James Blunt got dumped by Petra. (Great...more whine-infused music to follow...)

--Martin Scorsese ruined Shaquille O'Neal's date night in Miami last week. The racist dialogue in Scorsese's hit mob movie "The Departed" was not well received by the Miami Heat star, a spy said. Shaq and wife Shaunie Nelson were settled comfortably in the back corner of a movie theater in South Beach, when minutes into the film harsh racial epithets began to fly. "He groaned loudly to express his displeasure when Jack Nicholson said the N-word in a particularly derogatory manner," our source said.

--Colorful movie ogre Shrek is set to hit the Broadway stage as the star of his own musical. Shrek: The Musical is DreamWorks Animation's first venture in legitimate theatre and follows an ambitious project helmed by British director Sam Mendes. The score and story for the new production have been penned by Jeanine Tesori and David Lindsay-Abaire. Jason Moore, the brains behind hit musical puppet show Avenue Q, is slated to direct the musical, which is set for an opening in 2008.

--Surrounded by family, friends and fellow A-listers, Bruce Willis received a star on the Walk of Fame Monday as scores of fans looked on. Ex-wife Demi Moore and her new husband Ashton Kutcher were on hand, as were Ben Affleck, Kevin Costner, Sylvester Stallone, Don Johnson and Billy Bob Thornton. The Emmy-winning actor's children also attended the dedication ceremony.

--Bill Murray partied it up with students in Scotland.

--Lindsay Lohan got a shock when a woman posing an as autograph-seeker instead served her with legal papers on Friday. The actress was at the 21st Annual American Cinematheque Award Gala honoring George Clooney in Beverly Hills, when on her way out, she was met with the usual throng of fans and photographers – including a legal processor who was there to present Lohan with a subpoena. "The processor ran up and acted like a fan. She handed her a pen and paper. The pen was a decoy to get her to think she was a fan who wanted an autograph," an observer said on Monday. "When Lindsay took the papers, the processor said loudly, 'You’ve been served.'" According to the observer, Lohan dropped the papers and attempted to catch up with the processor who left the scene immediately.

--Scary Spice is 4-months pregnant with Eddie Murphy's baby?

--Yahoo has done a funny roundup of its top 20 misspelled searches. Most of them are celebrities' names: Rachael Ray tops the list, followed by Scarlett Johansson, Weird Al Yankovic, Evanescence, Barbra Streisand, Louis Vuitton and My Name Is Earl's Jaime Pressly. Two variations of Britney Spears' first name appear on the list, proving that no amount of tabloid press can influence people's spelling skills.

--Paris Hilton has hired Milli Vanilli's vocal coach. (No need for me to comment on this one...)

--Does Keith Olbermann have trouble "rising to the occasion?"

--If you’ve ever wanted to read the MySpace comments of your favorite celebs (your favorite celebs who aren’t too old to actually have MySpace pages, that is), today’s your lucky day. A new MySpace hack allows you to view Comments left on private MySpace pages. So whether you want to learn more about Ashlee & Jessica’s relationship (they miss each other) or you just want to stalk your ex-girlfriend with the private page, odds are you’re not going to get a lot of work done today. Click here to get the scoop...

--People's caption: With their divorce behind them, Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards take the next step – spending a day together with their daughters Sam, 2, and Lola, 1, in Los Angeles on Sunday, where the actor's girlfriend Brooke Mueller joined in on the family outing.

(Um, is it me, or does it look like Charlie could give a rat's ass that his new girlfriend is with him?)

Someone Has A Case of the Mondays

The Human Rights Consultative Committee (HRCC), a grouping of 67 human rights NGOs in Malawi, said they hope to halt Madonna's adoption of a 13-month old baby boy for the moment. Justin Dzonzi, HRCC's chairman, says the group wants to make sure Malawi's laws "are not bent" for the 48-year-old singer. "The laws of Malawi are clear that if one wants to adopt a child one has to stay with the child for at least 18 months for assessment," he said.

--Jennifer Aniston has purchased her first home since divorcing Brad Pitt last year and is moving back to the former couple's neighborhood in Beverly Hills. In April Pitt and Aniston sold their Beverly Hills home for close to its $24.95 million asking price and now she has purchased a new home nearby for $15 million. The 37-year-old's new abode is an early 1970s modernist one-story house with six bedrooms and seven bathrooms designed by architect Hal Levitt. Levitt has also designed homes for Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Sex And The City creator Darren Star and late writer Norman Cousins. Since the couple split, she has been leasing a two-bedroom home with 50 feet of beachfront in Malibu, California. The beach house rents for approximately $25,000-$30,000 per month, which skyrockets to $100,000 a month or more in July and August.

--Do real men wear flip flops? I say "yes," but Birkenstocks (worn by either sex) should be outlawed.

--Kirsten Dunst turned down a role in 'American Beauty' because she couldn't bear the thought of kissing Kevin Spacey. The 'Marie Antoinette' actress was originally tipped to play the teenager lusted after by Spacey, but was so against the idea of sharing a steamy scene with him she passed. Dunst, 24, told Entertainment Weekly magazine: "I was only 15 then and I didn't want to kiss Kevin Spacey or be seen lying naked in those rose petals." Mena Suvari later landed the role of teenage temptress Angela Hayes in the 1999 film which went on to win five Oscars, including Best Picture and Best Actor for Spacey.

--The final chords reverberated off the black, sticker-covered walls of CBGB as the grungy, iconic club toasted the end of its 33-year residence in New York. Rock poet Patti Smith headlined the Sunday night concert, CBGB's last before eviction by its landlord - the Bowery Residents Committee, a homeless advocacy group that owns the property. The club will close Oct. 31.

--Many of the horny actors and literary geniuses of 1950s and '60s Greenwich Village were hot and heavy with former Playboy Playmate Alice Denham, who's dishing the sexual dirt on James Dean, Norman Mailer, Philip Roth and others in a new memoir.

--Four members of Danity Kane were injured in a limousine accident Thursday night en route to a performance in Toledo, Ohio. According to an accident report filed with the Toledo Police Department, the group members — minus D. Woods, who caught a later flight to Toledo — had just wrapped up an appearance at the 92.5 KISS-FM radio studio. They were heading to their performance at Headliners when the left side of their black Lincoln Town Car was struck by another vehicle at an intersection. "Three passengers complained of head pain," the report reads. "Additional limo arrived and transported the three to St. Vincent's [Mercy Medical Center]." A fourth member was also involved in the accident.

--Katie Couric says about 50,000 people have sent her suggestions on how she should sign off each night’s broadcast on the “CBS Evening News.” She made the good-natured appeal for help with a new catch-phrase exit line on her first night of the broadcast last month. She told David Letterman on CBS’ “Late Show” Thursday that her favorite was “Here, kitty kitty kitty.” Another idea alluded to her 15-year stint as NBC’s “Today” show host. “Thanks for watching,” she said. “I’m Katie Couric, and I’m not just for breakfast anymore.”

--We're about to see a whole lot more of Rosie O'Donnell. After her hit turn in "Nip/Tuck" as Dawn Budge - the embittered lottery winner who pays Julian McMahon's character $100,000 to service her - the creators of the show were so impressed, they now want to create an entire show for Budge, starring, of course, O'Donnell. We even hear Nicole Kidman wants to be in the pilot, says our spy. A rep for O'Donnell said, "They're in talks to do a show that would film in New York. I don't know about Nicole."

--Lindsay Lohan has been called many names throughout her stint as a music, film and tabloid darling. Her next one might be the most surprising of all: Mom. Lohan divulged Thursday her commitment to star as a mother in "The Best Time of Our Lives." The story revolves around Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, his wife Caitlin and the curious real-life incident in which childhood friend Vera Phillips (played by Keira Knightley) and her eventual husband William Killick opened fire on the Thomas home with a machine gun and a hand grenade. The characters were in their 20s at the time of the episode.

--I'm not sure which one seems more boring:

Hopefully No One Bought Me Screeched For My Birthday

--So sad.

--Angels stick together: Jaclyn Smith has rushed to the side of her friend and Charlie's Angels co-star Farrah Fawcett, following the blonde actress' diagnosis of cancer of the intestine.

--China's Culture Ministry has nixed a concert this month by rap artist Jay-Z at Shanghai's Hongkou Stadium, citing a need to protect local hip-hop fans from nasty lyrics, a report said Wednesday. "Some of Jay-Z's songs contain too much vulgar language," the state-run Shanghai Daily newspaper quoted Sun Yun, of promoter KS Production Co., as saying to explain the ministry's reason for refusing permission for the Oct. 23 concert.

--"I would like to see her in a kickboxing movie. She could do it." --Dina Lohan, about daughter Lindsay's career.

--All it took was daddy's little girl to turn David Bowie from a rock star into the voice of a cartoon. Bowie will be a guest on Nickelodeon's "SpongeBob SquarePants," playing a character called Lord Royal Highness in a show that will air next year. Bowie, 59, said his 6-year-old daughter, Alexandria Zahra, is a huge SpongeBob fan and they watch the show together. He wrote in his blog that he's "hit the Holy Grail of animation gigs.

--Zach Braff struggled with the sex scene in new movie The Last Kiss - admitting feigning intimacy with sexy co-star Rachel Bilson was "awkward." The actor has no idea why anyone finds such scenes titillating, because he insists it was simply full of "fumbling and elbows everywhere."

--Katie Holmes did a lot of shopping on her recent jaunt around Paris, but there's one item she has crossed off her list – a wedding gown. "I already have my dress," Holmes, who is engaged to Tom Cruise, said. Rumor has it that it's Lagerfeld (Chanel).

--Click here to watch a WeatherDork try to be hip.

--Sienna Miller continues to embarrass herself in Pennsylvania, where she's shooting "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh." Having apologized for referring to the city as "S - - - sburgh," she threw a fit Saturday night when she was thrown out of Penny Folino's Young's Tavern because she didn't have ID. "Sienna ripped off her hat and said, 'I am Sienna Miller. I am a famous actress!' " Folino told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Miller, denied her vodka and tonic, stewed outside for 30 minutes. Bouncer Dan Kovacs said, "She was going crazy out there, stomping her feet." Said Folino: "No ID, no entry - I'm sorry, we can't bend the rules for anybody."

--Paris dumped Travis Barker after the Shanna Moakler run-in.

--Can Greg Kinnear sing? The question has come up now that we've learned Mel Brooks was in L.A. this week talking to Kinnear about playing the lead in the Broadway version of "Young Frankenstein." The Post's Michael Riedel has reported that, with first-choice Hugh Jackman too busy making movies, Jimmy Fallon and Tom Cavanaugh are under consideration for the role created by Gene Wilder in the 1974 comedy classic. Among the songs in the show is Irving Berlin's "Puttin' on the Ritz."

--Screech’s Sex Tape is now FOR SALE. The tape, called Screeched features actor Dustin Diamond and two young ladies. All this for only $50! You can pre-order the DVD today and worry about acid rinsing your eye sockets out tomorrow. Click here to order.

--Give.Me.A.Break.

Your Dose of Friends, Fugly, and Fat

--The two-year feud between former best friends Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie appears to be over. The Simple Life stars were spotted dining together on Caesar salads and penne pasta at the West Hollywood restaurant Dan Tana's on Sunday night. "They looked like best friends to me," a fellow diner said. "It seemed as if they had never gotten into a fight. They were laughing really loud and seemed more than happy to be together. There wasn't a slow moment in their conversation – they chatted non-stop. They left hand-in-hand, smiling."

--The church where Adrienne Curry and Christopher Knight were wed burned to the ground.

--Tim Allen married his girlfriend of five years, actress Jane Hajduk, on Saturday in Colorado.

--The Kennedy family has given its approval to the upcoming Robert F. Kennedy biopic Bobby written and directed by Emilio Estevez. The film revisits the night Kennedy was assassinated at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles in 1968. Kennedy's widow Ethel says, "Our family is grateful to Emilio Estevez and the extraordinary cast of Bobby for remembering Robert Kennedy's life and his commitment to social justice, peace and equality. Hopefully the film will inspire a new generation to make gentle the life of the world." The movie opens on limited release in the US on November 17 and nationwide on November 23.

--Barbra Streisand played musical hotels over the weekend. Streisand stormed out of the Carlyle, where she was dissatisfied with her luxury suite, and moved to another posh inn.

--Candace Bushnell's (author of Sex and the City) has a new Sirius Satellite radio show that launches today at 5 p.m. and will feature Cynthia Rowley and Page Six's Paula Froelich.

--Blame Billy Bush for Eva's bruised ribs.

-- U.S. Sen. Richard Lugar and other speakers touted the legacy of Indianapolis Public Schools yesterday at the district's first hall of fame induction luncheon. Lugar said his time in IPS schools shaped him in many ways that help him serve in public office. The initial class of inductees are Sen. Maria Cantwell, Rep. Julia Carson, actress Vivica A. Fox (who was late because she boarded the wrong plane...genius!), businessman Eugene Glick, the Rev. Jeffrey Johnson of Eastern Star Church, late-night host David Letterman, Lugar, former basketball star George McGinness, former IPS administrator Alexander Moore, former basketball standout Oscar Robertson, record executive Max Siegel and author Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (Thanks for the tip, Aaron).

--"I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach." "I might fit into jeans but, trust me, I look really awful naked." --Victoria Beckham (who's feeling sorry for her???)

--It wasn't ecstasy! It was my vitamin B supplement! Sure, Jimmy...

--My God...what has happened to Pacino? It's like Don King and George Hamilton did a number on him! And, is it me, or is Cusak looking a little portly?

Which Two Stories Have a Husband-Wife Link?

--Tori Spelling is coming up with new ways to raise cash these days. On Wednesday, the underemployed actress - who was basically left out of her father's $500 million will when he died over the summer - flew to New York from Toronto (where her new husband, Dean McDermott, lives) for four hours to do a "pregnant" shoot for OK! The magazine has been known to pay up to $250,000 for exclusive posed pictures, and we hear this deal was in that range.

--Jamie Lee Curtis said she has closed the book on her acting career. "I'm not an actor anymore," she told "Access Hollywood" host Nancy O'Dell. "I really don't imagine I'll do that again." Curtis, 46, went on to say: "I'm just focused on my family and just can't imagine anything that's going to pull me away from them right now."

--Alexa Ray Joel, the daughter of Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley, has been rocking since she was a toddler, standing backstage with Mom at her dad's concerts. Now 20, the Piano Man's kid is ready to take center stage with Sketches, a CD of six songs she wrote and released online, and a monthlong tour.

--Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross has confirmed she is expecting twins. Cross and new husband Tom Mahoney, who married in June, initially announced the actress is pregnant and due to give birth next April. Although the couple didn't reveal Cross is awaiting the arrival of twins, the news soon leaked, forcing her to confirm it. She tells talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, "This is what happened. I was so blown away about having twins so I needed a minute to deal with it. So we didn't tell anybody, we just said that I was pregnant. I don't know where it came from, but it got out and everybody started congratulating me and I kind of gave up. So... I am having twins."

--Pop diva Shakira will donate the proceeds from a concert in her hometown to build an arts school for 1,800 children forced to flee their homes by Colombia's civil war.

--Beyonce's dad creates hip-hop album heries for the sippy-cup set

--Scarlett Johansson and Mrs. Marilyn Manson, a.k.a. Dita Von Teese have combined forces for a recent Flaunt magazine layout.

--Kathy Griffin, took on a new assistant last month: Paris Hilton. "We were doing a shoot by Mario Testino for Italian Vogue, and Paris was there - and so I put her to work and hired her as my assistant," Griffin told us. "I had her get me reservations at Mr. Chow - but I didn't invite her; I took Lance Bass. Then I had to explain to her the meaning of the word 'versatile' - she had never heard it before. I ended up firing her. It was just too tedious. She wasn't versatile enough."

--Star Trek fans from around the world have spent more than $7 million snapping up memorabilia from the TV and movie franchise at a three-day New York City auction celebrating its 40th anniversary.

--If you love Christopher Guest's movies as much as I do (Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, A Mighty Wind), you'll be pumped to know that he has a new movie coming out called For Your Consideration. And, yes, all of the familiar faces are in this one as well. Click here to watch the trailer. The movie also has its own Myspace page.

Eat My Shorts

--Jimmy was "wasted away again in ecstasyville..."

--The wars aren't over for "Star Wars" creator George Lucas. Lucas said Wednesday he's making an animated TV series of "Clone Wars" that could air next year, although he hasn't sold the show to a network yet. The series is set during the time when the Republic is fighting a civil war against separatists led by Count Dooku.

--Travis Barker, the apparent cause of a nightclub brawl between Paris Hilton and estranged wife Shanna Moakler, has a broken arm. The tattooed drummer of the rock band (+44) - pronounced "plus forty-four"- broke his right arm Sept. 9 while shooting a music video for the title track from the band's upcoming album "When Your Heart Stops Beating."

--Eva Longoria was injured on Wednesday on the set of her hit TV show Desperate Housewives. Longoria was leaving her dressing room when she fell down some stairs. According to Longoria's publicist Liza Anderson, "Yesterday Eva slipped on one of the stairs coming out of her trailer. She was taken to St Joseph's hospital in Burbank (California) for x-rays. Nothing is broken, but her ribs are very bruised. She expects to return to work as scheduled."

--There are a lot of manbreasts to gaze at here...

--Did anyone catch Rosie O'Donnell on Nip/Tuck this week? Um, I can't say I expected this!

--Happy Birthday to my MOM (yesterday). :)

--Jessica Simpson renewed her love affair with her "Employee of the Month" co-star Dane Cook Wednesday night at the film's premiere party at Tenjune. Spies said they curled up in a booth and spent the evening "whispering into each other's ears. Dane couldn't keep his eyes off her and kept coming back to her every time he was pulled away." They finally left with Simpson's hairdresser Ken Paves.

--"I'm not joking around. I have three kids now and by next year, I'll have six. Nine. We're looking at a soccer team. I want to compete in the World Cup." --Brad Pitt

--Vaughniston officially split.

--Click here to view "Slang of the 90's." It provided me with endless entertainment (and memories). Do it, Mofo!

--The newest BFF's play fashionistas outside designer Giambattista Valli's Paris showroom on Thursday.

--Talk show giant Oprah Winfrey collapsed from heat exhaustion during a recent visit to her hometown of Kosciusko, Mississippi. The 52-year-old was in town for the opening ceremony of Oprah Winfrey Boys & Girls Club, when temperatures pushing 100 degrees Fahrenheit and high humidity caused her to feel unwell. An onlooker said, "Just as Oprah was about to cut the ribbon, she collapsed. She was getting dizzier and dizzier, she started sweating profusely and her vision became blurred. Her knees were buckling under her and she nearly blacked out. Oprah quickly stepped back and found a seat. She tried to revive herself by putting cool compresses on her head and drinking liquids. Oprah made light of the situation, telling everyone it was due to the heat."

--It's called a mani, Jess.

Andy Needs to Keep His Roddick In His Pants

--It's official. And, she's already 14 weeks along...

--Six years after declaring she was giving up live performances, Barbra Streisand returns to the stage on Wednesday to launch her first proper concert tour in well over a decade, and the biggest of her career. It will be only the second national tour by Streisand in the four decades since she became the toast of Broadway, launched a Grammy-winning recording career and won her first Oscar in the 1968 musical "Funny Girl." Insisting she has conquered the stage fright that made her a virtual stranger to the concert circuit for years, Streisand, 64, says her comeback tour was sparked mostly by her desire to raise money for her favorite charities. The money will be distributed through her own philanthropic foundation.

--PETA honchos Ingrid Newkirk and Dan Mathews and a horde of protesters spent Monday night in a Paris slammer. The group was arrested after busting into the Jean Paul Gaultier flagship boutique and dousing the designer's street-level windows with red paint while wearing "bloodied" donated furs and shouting, "Gaultier! Killer!," for over an hour. Brigitte Bardot defended the protest and told us via a rep, "I cannot believe that [Gaultier] is unable to [stop using fur]. Only imbeciles do not change opinions."

--Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were spotted at the posh Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills, California on Monday night, just weeks after their brief relationship reportedly ended. Mayer was staying at the hotel and chatting up various women in the bar, when Simpson arrived and met up with old friend and producer Romeo Antonio, who has written several songs for her. According to entertainment news website Tmz.com, when Antonio excused himself to go to the men's room, Mayer followed him and asked whether there was anything romantic going on between him and Simpson. Antonio said there was not. Mayer then went back to the bar and spoke with Simpson for 10 minutes before the pair exited together and took the elevator upstairs to Mayer's room.

--Bradley Cooper (Wedding Crashers, Three Days of Rain on Broadway) and Jennifer Esposito (Crash) are engaged.

--An Irish wedding for Kate and Pete?

--The women competing for the hand of Prince Lorenzo Borghese in "The Bachelor" may think they have a catch on their hands - but his former college pals at Rollins think otherwise. "He was kind of a tool," said one Rollins alum. "He was the khaki, button-down-shirt frat boy type who dated really annoying sorority girls. He was not very interesting at all and always dropped his name and 'title.' " Really? He doesn't look like that kind of guy at all... ;)

--Anna Nicole Smith’s ex-boyfriend and aspiring baby daddy, Larry Birkhead, filed suit in Los Angeles Superior Court Monday, demanding that Smith return to the U.S. with newborn daughter Dannielynn Hope and submit the baby to a paternity test.

--Screetch's sex tape and sex tape partners have been exposed. Click here for the scoop.

-- "South Park" creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker say their bizarre decision to dress in drag and sashay down the red carpet at the 2000 Oscars was made easy - thanks to LSD. "We took acid and tripped," Stone tells the November issue of FHM. "It seemed like the right day - drop acid and get on the red carpet in a dress." But lest anybody think he's a druggie, Stone adds, "I haven't taken acid since then."

--Paris Hilton has found herself a new love match in tennis star Andy Roddick. Photogs caught the couple flirting at Las Vegas' trendy Tao nightclub this weekend. Then two hours later, at 3am, they were spotted in the nearby Pure club getting very cosy on the VIP bed An onlooker said: "They were snuggling up to each other while drinking Grey Goose vodka and shots of Patron. "They were clearly a couple. She was very touchy-feely and he couldn't keep his eyes off her. "After a couple of hours they left together." Rumors about Andy, 24, and Paris, 25, started last week when the twice Wimbledon runner-up showed up at LA's Hyde club on the same night Paris was there. Oh Andy...Andy, Andy, Andy...

Tuesday Tidbits

--Variety reports that Fox Atomic will begin filming for Revenge of the Nerds, a reimagining of the 1984 cult comedy. Christopher Marquette (Fanboys, The Girl Next Door) and Kristin Cavallari (MTV's "Laguna Beach") have been cast in the film. Marquette will play the leader of the nerds, and Cavallari a sorority girl alongside Katie Cassidy (upcoming Dallas). Also newly cast in the film are Dan Byrd (The Hills Have Eyes) and Efren Ramirez (Napoleon Dynamite). Such a bad idea...

--David and Victoria Beckham are considering launching careers in the US. The couple have spoke to friends about their plans to buy a jet so that they can make regular trips to and from the States when necessary. While David is in talks with billionaire Philip Anschutz to join the New York Red Bulls, Victoria is expected to launch a fashion series on US television. A source told The People: "They have set their sights on becoming American idols. Both are determined to make their dreams come true over in the States.

--"Here is my theory on debunking photographs in magazines, you know, the paparazzi photographs." "I want to spend every single night for three months going out with a different famous actress. You know, Halle Berry one night, Salma Hayek the next, and then walk on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio. "People would still buy the magazines, they'd still buy the pictures, but they would always go, `I don't know if these guys were putting us on or not.'" --George Clooney, in the November issue of Vanity Fair.

--Mickey Rourke is so PC...

--"American Idol" Carrie Underwood is the latest celebrity to appear on a poster for the Oklahoma Library Association's "Read Y'all" literacy campaign. Posters featuring the country singer from Checotah will be distributed free to every academic, public, school and special library in the state, said Buffy Edwards, poster coordinator for the campaign. Other Oklahomans to appear on the posters include country star Toby Keith, actress and singer Kristin Chenoweth, actor James Garner, author Dana Dunbar and New Orleans Hornets star Desmond Mason. Dance Y'all? They couldn't come up with a better slogan than that? Good lord...

--Internet search leader Google Inc. has added a landmark to its rapidly expanding empire -- the Silicon Valley home where co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin rented a garage eight years ago as they set out to change the world. The Mountain View, California-based company bought the 1,900-square-foot (171-square-meter) home in nearby Menlo Park from one of its own employees, Susan Wojcicki, who had agreed to lease her garage for $1,700 per month because she wanted some help paying the mortgage.

--Kevin Federline's second son with Britney Spears was born just three weeks ago, but already the aspiring rapper is back to his old bad-boy ways - leaving his wife and babies at home in Malibu to party up a storm in Las Vegas. With the birth of her second child, Sutton Pierce Federline, it seems that Spears' attention is distracted. Federline and a crew of his boys took a private jet to the Venetian hotel-casino Friday night for the weekend-long celebration of the one-year anniversary of the club Tao. "He booked a table at Tao for both nights," said our source. "He was surrounded by women, was drinking a lot and dancing on the banquette. Every time one of the girls tried to take a picture, he freaked out and wouldn't let them."

--On-air caller calls Nancy Grace a big bitch. Click here to watch it on YouTube.

--Donald Trump says Brad Pitt is crazy like a fox for not marrying Angelina Jolie. "Brad said he and Angelina won't consider getting married until - quote - 'everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able,' "The Donald says on his Trump University blog. "Obviously, Brad is trying to be a social activist and make a point . . . Or at least that's what he wants people to think. Maybe he's just come up with an excellent way to stay a bachelor. It makes him look really concerned about the plight of other people. Yet at the same time, he doesn't have to get married. This guy is smarter than I thought."

--Oh, you're so relevant, Mischa...Zzzzz...

--Tor Tor continues to spark pregnancy rumors...

Happy October!

--Scarlett Johansson's hourglass figure and plum movie roles have brought her many fans. Among them, clearly, the editors at Esquire. The magazine has just crowned her "Sexiest Woman Alive." The 21-year-old actress poses in come-hither garb on the cover and inside pages of the magazine's November issue, on newsstands Oct. 18. (A helluva a lot better than their last year's choice of Jessica Biel...)

--Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria and San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker have split up, a source close to the couple said. "They did break up. It's amicable," the source says, adding, "They are talking and trying to figure the best course of action for their future. They are trying to work things out."

--Actress Amanda Peet and screenwriter David Benioff were married in New York City on Saturday evening. The bride and groom exchanged vows in a ceremony held at the actress's alma mater, Friends Seminary, a Quaker school founded in 1786. Among the guests at the event were actor Mark Ruffalo and his wife Sunrise, actress Elizabeth Berkley and her artist husband Greg Lauren.

--Ashton Kutcher is penning a new self-help article for style magazine guide Harper's Bazaar advising men of how to compliment their partners on their dress choices. The actor famously co-ordinates his look with wife Demi Moore's before the couple attends parties and premieres - and now he's passing on his style tips to others. He says, "It's (the article) called 'Coming Out Of The Closet' because guys don't want to be in the closet, because they don't want to be asked the question, 'How does this look?' It's the worst question any guy could ever be asked. You can't answer that question. "You're like, 'That's nice...' but, if you answer too quick, it means that you're not really paying attention, and, if you answer too slow, it automatically means that you don't like it."

--Why Price Harry's a drunk...

--Canadian pop punk Avril Lavigne has apologized for spitting at photographers after celebrating her 22nd birthday in Los Angeles on Tuesday. The singer was leaving Hyde nightclub with husband Deryck Whibley and pals when she took exception to photographers trying to get shots of her. Lavigne targeted a snapper working for news website TMZ.com, and called out, "Hey f*******, come here," and spat into his lens, as her friends giggled behind her. But she is now filled with remorse over her actions: "I'd like to sincerely apologize for my behavior with the paparazzi. "It's trying at best to deal with their insistent intrusions. I meant no offence to my fans, whose relationship I truly value. "I have and will always go out of my way for my fans. My behavior was a reaction to the persistent attack from the paparazzi." (Um, no excuse to spew saliva on them, Avril...)

--Isaac Hanson of the pop group Hanson married his longtime girlfriend, Nicole Dufresne, on Saturday in Oklahoma. The groom, 25, and bride, 22, wed in a traditional ceremony at the Philbrook Museum of Art in Hanson's hometown of Tulsa. The music group Hanson, which includes brothers Taylor, 23, and Zac, 20, rose to fame during the summer of 1997, thanks to their hit single "MMMBop." The trio returned in 2004 for a Carnegie Hall concert that was part of a three-month international acoustic tour to support the release of their CD Underneath.

--Wanna know who won "Celebrity Duets?" Click here to find out.

-- Ivanka Trump is gorgeous, successful, and . . . dating Lance Armstrong? Though hard to believe, that's the rumor on the West Coast. And Trump, who will be the new spokeswoman for Tiffany as well as working at her father The Donald's firm, has been spending a lot of time in L.A. recently shooting "The Apprentice." Armstrong is also known for having an eye for hot women and was most recently linked with Paris Hilton. A rep for Trump didn't return calls.

--The Ken Paves salon opened in Beverly Hills. Huh...judging by the pic, maybe Ken not only does great hair, but also breaks up the relationships of his clients.